The language I use can alter how I perceive a situation.
Sometimes, the way I express something can reinforce grievance, trap me in victimhood, and deny the possibility of change. With all of the following examples, the statement is self-justifying. Having feelings, being heard, being respected, being safe, and not being abandoned are right and good. However, the statement does not always accurately convey what is going on.
Let's break them down:
"You're not allowing me my feelings"
This suggests that the other person is somehow prohibiting me from feeling anything. Firstly, that's implausible. Secondly, that's inoperable. How could that even be done?
What I usually mean by this: you do not accept my perspective on this situation.
"You're not hearing me"
This suggests that the other person is voluntarily or involuntarily deaf.
What I usually mean by this: you're challenging my perception, rejecting my argument, or refusing to obey me.
"You don't respect me"
Occasionally, someone is genuinely failing to observe etiquette or rejecting legitimate authority.
What I usually mean by this: you won't accept my estimate of my worth, you do not hold me in the high esteem I think I deserve, you won't meet my demands, or you simply do not agree with me.
"You're not safe to be around"
Sometimes people are actually violent or malicious. I find that to be rare.
What I usually mean: you are challenging my attitudes, beliefs, or behaviour.
"He abandoned me"
There are situations where someone has an obligation towards me. Where there is an obligation, there is the potential for abandonment.
What I usually mean: he decided he no longer wanted to spend time with me.
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To sum up: it's important to speak accurately.