My job is to carry the message and use my life and experiences to illustrate the message. Talks are short, and life is long. I have to be selective.
The fact that something is part of my story does not make it a relevant part of my story, for the purpose of carrying the message. Rather, I ask myself whether it is a relevant part of my story.
My childhood experiences. Do they explain my alcoholism? It's not hard to find people who had experiences similar to mine, but who are not alcoholics.
The feelings of separation, difference, and self-centredness before I drank. These can't be signs of alcoholism, because alcoholism is addiction to alcohol, and a person who has never drunk cannot be addicted to alcohol. Might they be the signs of a florid spiritual malady? Or might they just be the ordinary emotions of a child or teenager, albeit at the less well-adjusted end of the spectrum?
The effects of the first drink. Do they suggest alcoholism? Or are they the usual effects of alcohol on most human beings?
The bad things I did when I was drunk. Are these things I did because I was alcoholic, or because I was drunk? Maybe anyone who is drunk is going to do dumb stuff.
Am I cataloguing the events of my drinking and how I got to AA to make some constructive points, or am I wallowing, bewitched by myself and unresolved elements of my past?
The coincidences that occurred in my life. Are they signs of divine intervention? Or are coincidences just ordinary events of everyday life? Do 'bad coincidences' happen, too? Are they God's work? Do the ungodly and unholy experience coincidences?
The dramas, the sentimental stories, the poignant moments, the ironies, the brick drops ... Do these illustrate some aspect of alcoholism or recovery? Or are they just entertaining stories? Am I here to entertain, to seek approval, or to be used by the Higher Power?
Am I providing biographical or circumstantial details to paint a vivid picture, in order to draw in the listener and pack a punch? Or am I simply trapped in my narratives? Or am I just showing off?
When recounting service and good deeds, and in particular others' gratitude and recognition for those, am I simply illustrating Step Twelve, or am I humble-bragging?
Am I name-checking or giving a callout to legitimately give credit or am I trying to bask in the association or ingratiate myself? Where does this sit with the anonymity principle of Tradition Twelve?
Am I constructively contrasting different approaches I have tried in AA, or am I criticising and condemning approaches I do not currently subscribe to in order to establish a sense of personal superiority?
Am I joking to lighten the atmosphere? Or am I trying to create an in-group (which automatically creates an out-group)? Or am I trying to curry favour with the audience?
Am I denigrating my earlier self, portraying myself as a dumb, insincere, wilful, and resistant to validly provide a contrast to today's version of me? Or am I expressing unacknowledged anger at and intolerance of my past self, or indeed current newcomers and sponsees?
Am I telling my story in a colourful way to give sizzle to the steak? Or is the caricature verging on dishonesty, contempt, and dehumanisation?
I've made every mistake in the book, and I still get things wrong, but I am seeking to become increasingly sensitive to the purpose and method of my sharing.
What do I try and do?
Ask God to speak through me. Use what’s there. And let it go at that.