In the resentment inventory, we discover who is bothering us (first column), what they did (second column), and what we want them to do instead (personal / sex relations: the scripts). But why do we want them to act in that way? Because (aside from questions of image), it delivers particular outcomes in the real world. These are either financial (pocketbooks), mission critical (security), or nice to have (ambitions).
What are outcomes?
Broadly:
Events: winning a prize, moving house, going on holiday
States of affairs: physical safety, predictability, food to eat, somewhere to live
Activities: riding a horse, having a job, cooking dinner
Commodities (things we receive): money, goods, support, approval, guidance
Relationships: a cordial / effective / harmonious / enjoyable relationship with X; a best friend; a partner; a spiritual advisor; a sponsor
These lists are obviously endless.
It's these outcomes that constitute 'our life'. These outcomes require other people to act in certain ways. This produces the scripts. When they don't follow the scripts, this produces the resentment.
When describing these, be specific. Avoid abstract, figurative, poetic, ambiguous, or vague language.
The exercise is not about identifying:
- Feelings or thoughts about the person, the resentment, the scripts, the outcomes
- How I responded or might respond in fact to these
It's about identifying the plan.
The answer's also got to stack up.
The outcomes have to be what is delivered if the scripts are followed.
Sometimes examining outcomes uncovers further, previously hidden scripts or resentments. If that happens, go back and flesh out the resentments and scripts.