... with my other half, which is a thing that happens, what works best is this:
- Admit I was wrong
- Apologise
- Ask:
- What can I start doing?
- What can I stop doing?
- What can I do differently?
What does not work so well is:
- Suggesting he should not have been affected the way he was
- Suggesting he is seeing something that is not there
- Suggesting he is being unreasonable, irrational, etc.
- Saying I didn't mean it or I had good intentions
- Saying something was a joke (even if it was)
- Explaining
- Justifying
- Defending
- Counterattacking
The substance does not matter. What matters is that he is upset. My job is to yield and show maximum patience, kindness, tolerance, and love.