Question: "After my last relapse, I came back surrendered, but recently my recovery has become a bit of an effort again. How do I get back to the surrendered state?"
Answer:
There isn't a single answer to this. Here are some ideas:
The answer to alcoholism is the Twelfth Step. The first eleven Steps are the preparation. The Twelfth Step should be fun and interesting. If it's not, I'm doing something wrong, so I ask others where I am going wrong. If Step Twelve isn't happening, I can get into Step Twelve.
The other Steps have no purpose without the Twelfth Step. Get into the Twelfth Step and the rest of the Steps take on meaning.
Behind all of this, though, is the notion that that I am an alcoholic and need a programme in order not to relapse. Once this is accepted at depth, and the programme is implemented, it will become second nature. Sometimes, resistance comes from a withdrawal of the acceptance of one's alcoholism, so the actions of recovery appear to be unnecessary or redundant.
The first requirement of Step Three is the recognition that a life run on self-will can hardly be a success, which means that my life must be focused on contributing constructively to the world, with looking after myself as the basis and having fun as the cherry on the top. If I'm resisting this, I'm a victim of the delusion that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness from life if I only manage well (page 61). If this is the case, I can look at whether my attitude to life is bringing me satisfaction and happiness. If it is not, the problem lies with my attitude, not with life.
Dissatisfaction can also be a sign of not stepping up to the plate in terms of doing God's will. This could be in terms of service or sponsorship or it could be in terms of work, family, community, or society. Alcoholics usually get bored and disconsolate without some kind of mission. Ask God what the mission is.
It can also help to surround oneself with people who are enthusiastic about recovery, about helping others, and about life, and people who are genuinely so and not merely going through the motions. Authenticity helps.