Resentment is nuts.
A resentment, or any form of grievance or upset, is an outward projection of an inner disquiet, and an attempt to shift or mask feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame, and fear by pinning the 'evil' on someone else or something else.
When I'm trying to 'process' a resentment, in myself or with someone else, the above must be the premise: the resentment is not about the state of affairs that appear to supply the content.
I have long acquaintance with resentment and I have talked to thousands of people about their resentments over the years.
All resentments follow this same basic pattern: an attitude of hostility which then seeks to build a case. In almost every case, the ills of others will have a small grain of truth but be distorted and exaggerated through selectivity, generalisation, extrapolation, speculation, interpretation, and personalisation. The 'second column' is never the truth. It is a pack of lies built around a fragment of truth.
Almost everyone resists the attempt to examine logically, rationally, critically, and with reference to knowledge, experience, and principle, the content of the second column. Why? Because it is perceived as an attack. It is indeed an attack: an attack on the foundations of the whole structure of resentment, the purpose of which is to render me an innocent victim and others, evil perpetrators. If the foundation falls, the structure falls. What is then left? The 'evil' returns to its source: the person. This is painful. This is what I am, or they are, resisting.
Of course, there is no evil inside the person: the sense of 'wrongness' is merely the illusion of separation from God, which is why forgiveness (ceasefire, withdrawal of judgement, and blessing), confession, amends, prayer, meditation, and service are the real solution.
Before embarking on any examination of resentment in oneself or with another, get clear that the entire system, from start to finish, from the so-called evidence or facts to the final conclusions, is a fabrication. Without this understanding, the exercise is a waste of time.
I therefore start with this premise: If I'm resentful, I'm trapped in a delusional system of projecting my own inadequacy, guilt, shame, and fear onto others. Let's examine and demonstrate the delusion.