... it's taking away my liberty!
Sometimes people in AA object to the strictures of the programme (or indeed other suggestions) on the grounds that it takes away their liberty.
The notion that we are somehow absolutely free and this freedom can only be compromised is fallacious. Clearly, we're subject to the laws of physics, chemistry, and biology. We are very small creatures on a very large planet. We are made mostly of water. Our bodies are easily wrenched, torn, snapped, or squashed. We have very little control over others. We are severely restricted already in what we can do. Most freely exercised liberties require the surrender of time and money plus a confluence of propitious circumstances. There is no absolute freedom per se. There is, however, the freedom to choose how to navigate a world where there are endless choices and consequences. Choices require sacrifice. To eat a meal I must forego time and or money. To eat a particular meal I must forego other meals. To have friends I must behave appropriately. The question is not one of whether a particular action constrains my liberty but whether the sacrifices of liberty, in terms of time, money, acts of commission or omission, location, etc., are adequately balanced by the payoff. The questions are these: What will this course of action cost me? What will this course of action afford me?
... I like to make my own choices!
Sometimes people in AA object to being 'told what to do' by the programme (or elsewhere) or by sponsors or other advisers.
It is sensible not to conflate the origination of ideas and freedom of choice. If someone posts a sign by the edge of a cliff indicating that there is a dangerous drop, the warning sign does not restrict my freedom of choice. It informs it. I am perfectly at liberty to ignore it and fall to my death. I am equally at liberty to keep a distance. In keeping a distance, I am not making myself subservient to the poster of the sign.
When someone suggests something sensible in AA , in following that suggestion, I am therefore wisely availing myself of someone else's wisdom and guidance. There is no merit per se in establishing all pertinent facts or courses of action oneself. Someone who has recourse to others for information and courses of action, provided the sources are reliable, is not foregoing choice but is enabling more informed and therefore better choice. The self-reliant person who refuses to be told or guided is not wiser or nobler by virtue of that self-reliance.
In allowing ourselves to learn from others, we are in fact increasing our power and autonomy. Absolute self-reliance in the modern world does not help the individual. If, on breaking my arm, I decided to figure our how to treat it myself I would not be acting in my own best interests. In seeking information and a course of action from a hospital, I would not be abdicating personal responsibility, submitting to a capricious and malevolent authority, surrendering my autonomy, losing in a cosmic battle of the little guy against Big Brother. Rather, I would be recognising that humanity is successful precisely because of deference to greater knowledge and wisdom, cooperation, and a beneficial exchange of information, expertise, resources, products, and services.
What is behind these objections?
Children of a certain age are good exemplars of the untrammelled ego: the obvious resistance against authority and the exercise of the right of determination are manifest and at times comical. Most people grow out of it. Sadly, some people do not. I did not ... until sufficient sanity was graced me in AA to recognise where my best interests lay. The resistance to being told anything, in particular how things are or what to do, was really a resistance against God: the assertion of self as a puny alternative to the inheritance of God's universe as my inalienable birth-right; the insistence that I be distinct and special. Heaven forbid that I should act in concert, harmony, or step with others! Who would I be? The hole in the doughnut!
What is the solution?
I found my way out of the above bind by being willing to examine the folly of my mindset. Someone once said to me, 'You do not appear to be acting in your own best interests.' Once I realised I (the ego, the self) was in my (the Self's) own way, I was able to put down the childish petulance, listen, and act accordingly.