'Nature of any kind thrives on forward progress. And progress for a rational mind means not accepting falsehood or uncertainty in its perceptions, making unselfish actions its only aim, seeking and shunning only the things it has control over, embracing what nature demands of it—the nature in which it participates, as the leaf’s nature does in the tree’s.''
Marcus Aurelius
Meditations
What is honesty? To me, it means facing things as they are. Over the course of my life, my ego has continually built and rebuilt narratives, stories, and plot lines. It has taken certain fragments of evidence and spun them into a universe, peculiar to me, 'my truth', to support various existential positions:
- There is something wrong with me
- I am guilty for it
- Something is out to get me
- I am conversely quite special
- I am more special than you
- If you were different, I'd be OK
- I'm the innocent one: it's your fault
There are more.
Of course, there is no 'my truth'. There is only 'the' truth. The programme starts with honesty about drinking and its effects but does not stop there: it's all about seeing through the delusions of the alcoholic mind and the ego and revealing the truth.
It is impossible to tackle the problem without tackling the delusions. Sometimes the delusions are about oneself, sometimes about others, and sometimes about the world. Tackling the delusions involves tackling not just my perceptions and interpretations but even the sources of information I am using to construct my world view.
In 1993, someone gave me some amazing advice: Ask your head where it is getting your information from! This principle still stands me in good stead today. My life is pretty good, but I can get my panties in a wad about what is going on in the world. My other half and my best friend are very smart and very knowledgeable. They pull me up short on my mistaken and distorted perceptions and in particular challenge where I am getting my information from and how I am using it. This is an exceptionally useful service.
The ego tirelessly misuses whatever is to hand to build cases. When I get sucked in, I lose the ability to distinguish the true from the false, and I need others to help realign me. I work myself into a lather in a matter of minutes by carelessly surfing online, and that's from a position of relative mental health, compared to how I have been in the past.
Sanity requires honesty, and honesty entails facing and living in reality. Reality is what is literally happening around me today. That's where I am sanest. I look after my quiet corner of the world. I leave others to look after theirs. I keep in touch with the world by checking in with a small number of highly objective and impartial news sources. I do not engage in or watch polemic or debate. I keep myself grounded in the here and the now.
Honesty is thus not just about candour and sincerity: I can candidly and sincerely disclose my beliefs, thoughts, and actions but remain trapped in a delusional world. AA and in particular its bravest adherents have tackled me on my delusions. I have been brought back to earth, which is like being dragged down the stairs one step at a time, my head thumping painfully on each step as I go. It's rough but kinder than keeping me trapped in my delusions through co-signing or neutrality and trying to make me comfortable there. There is no recovery in the world of delusions, only momentary relief.