Here are some questions to ask oneself after a relapse.
- Do I want to stop drinking/using forever?
- Why? Consider the negative consequences of continuing to drink/use. What am I scared of?
- If not, why not? Consider the positive consequences of continuing to drink/use. What am I scared of losing?
- Do I want to be sober/clean forever?
- Why? Consider the positive consequences of stopping forever. What would I like my life to be like?
- Why not? Consider the negative consequences of stopping forever. What am I scared of?
- Why? Consider the negative consequences of continuing to drink/use. What am I scared of?
- If not, why not? Consider the positive consequences of continuing to drink/use. What am I scared of losing?
- Do I want to be sober/clean forever?
- Why? Consider the positive consequences of stopping forever. What would I like my life to be like?
- Why not? Consider the negative consequences of stopping forever. What am I scared of?
Step One
Do I secretly believe:
- I can drink/use but control the extent or consequences?
- I can stop the condition progressing?
- I can stop later on if it does progress?
- I can relapse but limit the consequences of the relapse?
- I can relapse and come back when I want?
- I can get well but then drink/use differently?
- I can stay stopped forever on my own?
- I can stay stopped forever with recovery lite?
- I can stop the condition progressing?
- I can stop later on if it does progress?
- I can relapse but limit the consequences of the relapse?
- I can relapse and come back when I want?
- I can get well but then drink/use differently?
- I can stay stopped forever on my own?
- I can stay stopped forever with recovery lite?
Step Two
Do I secretly believe:
- Even if I fully give myself to the programme I will not stop relapsing?
- Even if stay sober/clean, recovery won't deliver an acceptable life?
- Even if stay sober/clean, recovery won't deliver an acceptable life?
Step Three
Do I secretly believe:
- I can delay giving myself to the programme and get away with it?
- I can remain in charge of my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, but seek God's will when it suits me?
- I can pick and choose between the beliefs, thinking, and behaviour of the programme?
- I can fit recovery round my life rather than the other way round?
- I can let up on the action when it's inconvenient, painful, or otherwise disagreeable?
- I can remain in charge of my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, but seek God's will when it suits me?
- I can pick and choose between the beliefs, thinking, and behaviour of the programme?
- I can fit recovery round my life rather than the other way round?
- I can let up on the action when it's inconvenient, painful, or otherwise disagreeable?
The answers to these questions will probably reveal where the problem lies.