Surrendering means not trusting my self (lower-case 's', ego) to make decisions, because I don't like the results I've been getting. It means turning my will and life over to a Higher Power. What does that mean? Resigning as the decision-maker and surrendering to (a) a concrete programme of action (b) the suggestions of people who are doing better than me and (ultimately) (c) the direction of a Higher Power, which is available once the blockages are removed in Steps One to Nine. Crucially, it means waiving the right to swerve the car off the road because I've had a bright idea. I kept drinking again between February and July 1993. Why? The apparent reasons don't matter. The real reason: I was reserving the right to determine the direction of my day and specifically my actions. Until I waived that right, I was doomed to drink periodically.