About twice a month I get a call about high drama in a group. Someone feels persecuted. They're up in arms. Attack. Defence. Counter-attack. Private messages. Public attack. Recriminations. Personalisation. Police. Lawyers. Intergroup. General Service Office. WhatsApp groups. Facebook groups. Anonymous denunciations. Websites. Group conscience after group conscience. Tears. Escalation.
Now, there are situations where a genuine issue need to be brought up and addressed. How do you do that? Bring it up politely, calmly, factually, and if need be in writing. Let the group discuss it. Let the group make a decision. If you can live with the decision, live with it. If you can't, leave.
But high drama? There is no place for that. I've created high drama many times in my life. Why? I had unresolved psychological conflicts, and I capitalised on opportunities to perform historical re-enactments: proxy battles against a perceived authority figure from my childhood, usually.
If you're in a group with high drama, the primary measure is this:
Hold a group conscience meeting face-to-face, in person or on Zoom. Do not discuss, debate, or communicate on the issues other than in this setting (excepting counsel with trusted confidants). Have boundaried procedures. Stick to them. Discussion, vote, substantial unanimity. No more communicating through back channels. Use WhatsApp groups etc. only for the provision of neutral factual information or for minor administrivia (e.g. getting people to cover posts in absentia). Occasionally, decisions can be made via WhatsApp / polling but, if there's a whiff of contention, stop the discussion dead and schedule a proper group conscience meeting.
If that does not resolve it, I have one piece of advice:
LEAVE
Do this by sending a polite message to the group indicating you are no longer available, and handing over keys, codes, documentation, etc. to the group. Do not explain why. Do not add to the drama. Leave them lay where Jesus flang them; step over the bodies; get on with your life. Do not lob in a grenade on your way out.
Remember: you cannot resolve high drama. Anyone who generates high drama does not want a resolution: the drama is the objective, not the by-product.
An Al-Anon friend once pointed out a particular personality type. He said, 'They're loving this. They've got exactly what they want. They're happy precisely because everyone else around them is in chaos.' Boy, was that me for a while.
I also remember an exchange between a parent and a TV super nanny about a screaming child:
Parent: I don't know why he's so traumatised!
Nanny: He's not traumatised. You're traumatised. He's in control.