Crunch point

It doesn't matter how long I am sober, I have to carry on doing moral inventory, on a daily basis.

It doesn't hurt, either, to keep an eye on where my thinking is distorted, from a technical point of view (e.g. black-and-white thinking, negativity, catastrophisation), and to deliberately spot and correct those distortions.

But there is an element of self-examination which, although necessary for a while, has to stop: examination of ego thinking. The resentment and fear inventories examine these in some depth, but the point of examining ego thinking is to realise it's nuts so that I become willing to drop it.

The ego won't ever go. It's factory-installed and appears to fulfil an evolutionary function, which I won't go into here. It's also going to keep on chattering, though, and my job is to turn the volume down and basically ignore it, turning instead to God.

I don't need to keep delving into the 'hidden depths of the ego', because (a) it's all a fabrication and (b) it can't be reconfigured; it can only be set aside.

Sometimes sponsorship relationships last until either sponsor or sponsee dies. I hopped from sponsor to sponsor for years, because eventually there came a point where I had to let go but refused, so had to find a new sponsor to accompany me in the endless examination of my own ego and its sour fruits.

Eventually I ended up with a sponsor who also said 'Let go!' but who I trusted, so I let go.

There comes a point, actually not that far into recovery, where there is little more that can be said about resentment, fear, guilt, and shame, and there is no more mileage in examining it. That's when I'm at the crunch point: let go or carry on swirling. There is nothing more to say.