Tradition I

on

Short form: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity.

Long form: Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. AA must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare comes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.

Application in AA

  • Steps: the journey from isolation to unity
  • My personal welfare depends on my unity with you
  • My personal welfare depends on our common welfare
  • New perspective: part of a great whole: Step Three: what can I do on behalf of God for that great whole?
  • Group welfare
    • Role of Tradition V in implementing Tradition I: we stay unified by having a common purpose (page 17, Alcoholics Anonymous)
    • Strong but structure:
      • 'broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek' (page 46, Alcoholics Anonymous)
      • To feel safe, people need boundaries: basic dos and don'ts; regularity; reliability; consistency; trust in the officers
      • Wild horses, to be tamed, need a safe enclosure
      • With a feeling of safety comes the ability to be honest and open 
      • But unity (Tradition I) does not mean uniformity (Tradition III: no personal conformity required)
      • Full disclosure of who we are enables recovery (page 29, Alcoholics Anonymous, Preface)
      • To be able to disclose ourselves fully, we need to be allowed to show others who we really are
      • ... including when we share
      • So there are no enforced sharing practices
      • Instead, leaders lead by good example (Tradition IX: no over-organisation)
      • No cross-talk
    • Handle bad behaviour in accordance with established principles in service materials
    • Maintain good links between individuals in-between meetings
    • Keep the peace: don't be overambitious and engage in other activities, which can be divisive
    • Fellowship before & after: informal (so not organised by the group) but announced so that everyone is welcome
    • Don't rock the boat with constant suggestions for amendments or 'improvements'
    • Group consciences are unsettling and destabilising
      • Hold them a maximum of twice a year unless circumstances really necessitate
    • Change slowly and only where absolutely necessary
    • 'Observe everything, disregard most things, change a little'
  • AA welfare
    • Don't foster antagonism and division
    • No 'camps'; no 'branding'; no 'franchising'
    • Encourage sponsees to spread their wings and attend different types of meetings
    • Contribute maximally to the service structure, as an individual and a group
    • Contribute maximally to the Conference process, as an individual and a group

Application in life

  • In relationships
    • Common vessel of the relationship: to create a stable environment for our individual and joint activities
    • Keeping the peace comes first
    • No argument
    • This is possible only if there is
      • An agreed primary purpose for the common vessel (Tradition V)
      • The desire to be a party to the relationship / the desire to make it work for its own sake
      • This parallels the 'honest' desire to stay sober (Tradition III)
    • Unconditional commitment: for richer for poorer, for better for worse, till death do us part
    • If you know you're in for the duration, you accommodate yourself to it
    • Giving not getting is the guiding principle: giving of yourself means giving of your time, energy, and attention (see the Fiddler on the Roof quotation, below)
    • Romance and emotion come and go
    • Surrender and service are daily: you do not store up vouchers to spend
    • Paul O on relationships:
      • Relationships are not 50:50
      • If you give 50%, it will look like less than 50% to others
      • The net result will appear to each to be less than 100%
      • Give 100%
      • Then the net result will produce abundance
    • Personal welfare comes a close second
      • I look after the unity of the relationship by looking after my other half's personal welfare
      • If I look after the unity of the relationship, that automatically works in my favour, too
    • Yield wherever possible (and it's almost always possible)
    • Forgive everything ... because it's not like they're going to change
    • Don't let anything come between you: even major problems caused or occasioned by the other person:
      • Reestablish unity first
      • Proceed to solving the problem practically once unity is reestablished
      • No reproach or recrimination
    • Some qualities required for a successful relationship:
      • Emotional maturity
        • Emotions that are appropriate, timely, and proportionate
        • Emotional continence (no leaking)
        • Dealing with negative emotions at the right time, in the right way, and with the right person
        • Stability
      • Competence
        • Handle practical matters appropriately and promptly
        • Take responsibility actively
        • Be far-sighted
        • Know when to ask for help and from whom
        • Be able to research
        • Deploy special skills
        • Be rational
        • Be knowledgeable
      • Unselfishness
        • Live a life based on service
        • Put own oxygen mask on first before attempting to help others
    • No one scores perfectly on these, but these are ideals towards which we are willing to grow

Fiddler on the Roof quotation:
Tevye: Do you love me?
Golde: Do I what?
Tevye: Do you love me?
Golde: Do I love you? For twenty-five years, I've washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked the cow. After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now? Do I love him? For twenty-five years, I've lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. For twenty-five years, my bed is his. If that's not love, what is?
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