What does the Big Book say?
‘Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!’ (Page 12)
‘My friend promised when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems.’ (Page 13)
‘We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men.’ (Page 28)
'When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing.' (Page 53)
‘If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.’ (Page 58)
‘Half measures availed us nothing.’ (Page 59)
‘Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action ...’ (Page 63)
‘If that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity.’ (Page 74)
‘Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.’ (Page 76)
‘[W]e will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past.’ (Page 77)
‘Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience’ (Page 79)
‘If we are painstaking about this phase of our development’ (Page 83)
‘One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since.’ (Page 156)
To sum up: complete it, and do so quickly.
How long does the process take?
In my own case, when I finally surrendered, I completed the first nine steps in 46 days, including processing a list of 78 people on my Step Eight list and completing all the amends.
When people are new or struggle with picking up new ideas or processes (e.g. the inventory process), it can take up to three months or so, provided that work is daily.
How do I test whether I have a willingness problem?
There must be daily progress. When I sponsor people, this means them completing the task assigned (which is usually a day-size chunk), contacting me daily, processing it, and receiving the next task. Some sponsees turn round tasks within ten minutes to an hour, and we have several sessions a day. Sometimes tasks take two or three days (e.g. the forgiveness process on page 67), but even then there can be a daily check-in with progress reports.
If a gap of even a couple of days appears in the process, there is a willingness problem. If there is a willingness problem, there is a Step One problem. To understand Step One is to understand that there are two options:
‘If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.’ (Page 25)
Gaps appearing suggests the belief in a third alternative: ‘dawdle, go at my own pace, I’ll be fine’.
The process should not take years. It should take weeks.
If it’s more than six months since you started the process with the Foreword to the Big Book and you haven’t completed the amends, you’ve probably got a willingness problem.
Don’t be fooled by excuses or reasons for why it’s taking so long:
‘W-pI.rIII.in.3. But learning will be hampered when you skip a practice period because you are unwilling to devote the time to it that you are asked to give. 2 Do not deceive yourself in this. 3 Unwillingness can be most carefully concealed behind a cloak of situations you cannot control. 4 Learn to distinguish situations that are poorly suited to your practicing from those that you establish to uphold a camouflage for your unwillingness.’ (A Course in Miracles)
Ignore your ‘circumstances’ and look at the timeline. That will tell you the truth.
What do I do if I discover gaps appearing?
Go back to the beginning, find the reservations, eliminate them, release the energy, and complete the process.
Doesn’t that set me back?
No, because what appears to be the long way round (going back and eliminating the blocks) is actually the short way (the quickest route to the destination), and what appears to be the short way through (just trying to plough on, even though it’s already taken many months or years and you’re still not there) is actually the long way round (if you ever get there at all).
If you believe that the previous steps have been done very solidly, it will take only a few days or weeks to get you back to the point at which you halted. This in turn shortens the overall process by months or years.
We should in any case review the first nine steps to some extent each year, especially if we're not sponsoring many people. If it's been a year since you've done Step One, time to review it anyway.
The smart move is to take the long short way, not the short long way.
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A story
‘Rabbi Yehoshua said: Once I was walking along the path, and I saw a child sitting at a crossroads. I asked him: “Which path will lead me to the city?” He said: “One path is short-but-long, and one path is long-but-short.” I took the short-but-long one. Once I arrived at the city, I found the passageway blocked off by meandering gardens and orchards. I turned back and said to the child: “My son! Didn’t you describe this path as short?” He replied: “Didn’t I also say it was long!”’
Miller, Chaim. The Practical Tanya—Part One—The Book for Inbetweeners. Kol Menachem.