On pages 65–67, the Big Book describes how to get rid of resentment. In the process, it sets out the motivations. What are they?
Quotation | Notes |
The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us ... | The implication is maybe that, if we change, we will not be wronged. This can be understood two ways: (1) if we change, our lives change around us, as we are co-creators of our lives (2) even when other people do behave badly, if our wiring is different, they are no longer wronging us: we acquire a defensive shield against the perception of wrong. Remember: it is the seven areas of self which are affected, not us (see page 65), and it is only our attachment to those seven areas of self that cause us to be wronged along with our areas of self. |
... and we stayed sore. | If the resentful attitude and thinking persist, our resentful feelings will persist. The feelings come from the thinking and the attitude. |
But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. | If we do not get rid of resentment, things are going to get worse. This means both practically and emotionally. |
Our moments of triumph were short-lived. | The gratifying moment of being 'right' is a short-lived triumph indeed. 'Rightness' can concern resentment or fear. Whenever I'm resentful or fearful, I'm actually wrong, not right. |
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility ... | Note the word only: resentment leads to nothing but futility and unhappiness. Resentment is pointless: my mental attacks do not achieve anything: they do not stop bad things from happening ... |
... and unhappiness. | ... but they do make me unhappy. |
To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. | We are literally wasting our time. If we're wasting our time, we're wasting our lives. |
But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. | This presents the direct link between resentment and death. Resentment comes from trying to sit on God's throne, judging everything in the world as good and evil (rather than sitting in the position of neutrality Step Ten asks us to occupy), and we can't connect to God if we're trying to sit in God's seat. Thus cut off from the only source of direction and power, we seek power from a lower source: alcohol. The protective power of God is not available to hold us back, because we have re-enthroned ourselves. We become our own higher powers. Once we drink (or act out), we might not stop. The death is both figurative and literal: an existence devoid of life or the end of physical existence. |
We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. | If I'm upset, whatever I'm upset at is in control of my emotions. If I'm not in control of my emotions, and my emotions drive my behaviour, whatever I'm upset at is in control of my life. This is also embarrassing. |