I’ve learned a lot in AA. I will share that with anyone who is desperate enough to do the work required, rapidly, to have a spiritual awakening, and would like to know how the Big Book might help them if they apply its contents. I will share with people from any fellowship. How is that possible? I’m sharing what I have. I can’t share what I don’t have but I must share what I do have. I must not withhold what I have on the grounds of false humility or fear. If my time is literally maxed out, I will redirect the person to the many dozens of people I know who also offer what I offer.
What if someone asks a question
I can’t answer because it’s not part of my experience? I tell them they’ll have
to ask someone who does have relevant experience. If they need to run through
Step One in part or in full with someone who shares the exact same addiction or
problem, great! If they need to discuss bottom lines and top lines with someone
from a different fellowship, great! The more the merrier. This is a team
effort. If they want to talk to loads of old-timers, too, great! They take themselves
through the Steps; I’m just a conveyer of information and a provider of a framework.
They are responsible—as was I—for building the team of black-belt, gold-star,
God-dependent helpers. But I can still help them understand the fundamental principles
of addiction described in the Big Book and the fundamental principles of the AA
programme, which, between Steps Two and Eleven, are largely identical from fellowship
to fellowship.
If they are super new and have
no Twelve Step fellowship experience, then they’re probably best off with
someone with really similar problems, to establish the bond of identification.
But lots of requests in Twelve Step world come to AA Big Bookers from people in
other fellowships who have already done the Steps and are looking for extra
experience about the Big Book because it’s either totally lacking locally or there
simply aren’t enough sponsors to go round locally, so they look elsewhere. In
an ideal world, all requests, say, from Al-Anons could be satisfied by
Al-Anons. But we’re not in an ideal world. Until all of the other fellowships are
groaning with people who understand the Big Book and its contents, we’re going
to have to help out, and that, too, is a team effort: not just for people with
over twenty years, but for all of us.
In all this endeavour, I remember
I’m just there to share my experience and provide guidance on how to replicate
the result that was achieved in me: a spiritual awakening. I’m not the be-all-and-end-all
to anyone; I’m not a substitute for either God or the full forces of a Twelve-Step
fellowship. I don’t have to wait to be an expert. I don’t have to know all the answers.
I just need to share what I’ve been given. Here it is: make of it what you
will.
Sometimes people withhold because
they lack confidence, don’t know all the answers, or haven’t got it all worked
out. This is hubristic and predicated on the idea that a sponsor (i.e. the
sharing guide) should have self-confidence, should know all
the answers, and should have it all worked out. Wrong. We have God-confidence
and allow God to work through us; we encourage the other person to develop a
relationship with God, too. We share answers that we do have; if we don’t have
an answer, we ask around or redirect the individual to someone who does have the
answer. And we don’t work it out: we might start out with a plan, but God
guides me differently with every person, and how I guide people changes over
time as I learn what works and what doesn’t work. Trying to figure it out rather
than jumping in, learning on the job, and trusting God is the way I keep God out
of it. I need to keep God totally in the mix.
We learn by doing. We don’t
figure it out, get perfect, and then start doing.
On this topic, I heard the following,
which may be of interest.
Rabbi Yehoshua Gordon,
audio/video class on the 4th portion of the Torah portion Bamidbar.
“I want to just point out something here that I think is of critical importance. Let us not think for a
minute that we have to go to a great yeshiva and be ordained as a rabbi and
become a great Torah scholar and learn the whole Talmud backwards and forwards
and memorise it and THEN we could become someone’s teacher. No. We could
study Torah right here, whether we’re learning this live right here, or we’re
seeing it on the Internet, and then we can take the subject matter of what we
learn, a little later today, and share it with someone, and then we have become
that person’s teacher. There is so much potential that we have, so that, if you
ever wake up in the morning and you say, ‘oh another day, I don’t know, my life
has no meaning!’ go encounter someone, find someone, share the last Torah
thought you studied with them: you become their teacher; you can literally
transform their lives, and one does not have to be a great scholar in order to
accomplish that.
And I’ll quote the Rebbe, who
was my teacher; the Rebbe said: When a person is introduced to a new study, for
example, somebody comes and teaches him a brilliant new teaching; ‘What’s the
new teaching?’, he says, ‘You know what, he says, you know what, there’s an alef,
there’s a bet, there’s a gimel, there’s a dalet; now repeat after me: alef,
bet, gimel, dalet. OK, we’ll continue tomorrow.’ Before
tomorrow comes, when he meets someone, he has to say, ‘You know what, I found
out: alef, bet, gimel, dalet!’ ‘OK, what comes after that?’ ‘Tomorrow!’
So that becoming someone’s
teacher does not mean you have to become an accomplished scholar; you just have
to care enough to share, and those who do, know how much they accomplish. The
Alter Rebbe writes in his introduction to Tanya, his famous introduction to
Tanya, ... Those who can teach, don’t hold back your teaching, because those
who, G-d forbid, refuse to teach to someone else, when they’re able to, they
are really doing something that’s not good, they’re messing ... I don’t even
want to go on and say what the Alter Rebbe says. So that every one of us has an
obligation and an opportunity to teach anyone and everyone we encounter, and
that is the greatest privilege that we have, and it’s an opportunity that
repeats itself every day and every hour and every moment.”
Extract from the Tanya
referred to:
‘And to those scholars, I urge
you to be forthcoming with advice, do not to place “a hand upon your mouth”
(Proverbs 30: 32), to, G-d forbid, act with false humility and modesty,
claiming that you do not know the answer when, in fact, you do. The bitter
punishment for “one who withholds (spiritual) sustenance” (ibid. 11: 26), is
well known (from Talmud, Sanhedrin 91b), and, conversely, the great reward, for
sharing Torah wisdom is also well known, from our Sages’ teaching (Talmud,
Temurah 16a) on the verse (Proverbs 29: 13), that when one who is poor in
wisdom is enlightened by one rich in wisdom, it is mutually beneficial, and “G-d
gives light to the eyes of both of them.” For when the scholar will assist a
reader in understanding this book, “G-d will shine His face upon (both of) you”
(see Numbers 6: 25), “the light of the King’s face, which is life” (Proverbs
16: 15).’
Miller, Chaim. The Practical
Tanya—Part One—The Book for Inbetweeners Kol Menachem.
Glossary:
Alef, bet, gimel, and dalet are the first four letters of
the Hebrew alphabet.
Alter Rebbe: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shneur_Zalman_of_Liadi
Talmud: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talmud
Tanya: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanya
Torah: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torah
Yeshiva: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeshiva