‘Only it is so very lonely here!’ Alice said in a melancholy voice; and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her cheeks.
‘Oh, don’t go on like that!’ cried the poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair. ‘Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you’ve come to-day. Consider what o’clock it is. Consider anything, only don’t cry!’
Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears. ‘Can you keep from crying by considering things?’ she asked.
‘That’s the way it’s done,’ the Queen said with great decision: ‘nobody can do two things at once, you know. Let’s consider your age to begin with—how old are you?’
‘I’m seven and a half exactly.’
‘You needn’t say “exactually,”‘ the Queen remarked: ‘I can believe it without that. Now I’ll give you something to believe. I’m just one hundred and one, five months and a day.’
‘I can’t believe that!’ said Alice.
‘Can’t you?’ the Queen said in a pitying tone. ‘Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.’
Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said: ‘one can’t believe impossible things.’
‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!’
(Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll)
How can I be happy?
Question:
I know that a Jew is supposed to always be joyous, but when I look at myself and my life I see no good reason to be happy. On the contrary, I have plenty of reasons to be miserable. Am I supposed to be able to just switch on happiness at will?
Answer:
Yes, we face some heavy challenges in life, and feelings of despair are understandable. But we can turn our situation around. Happiness is never beyond our reach.
That’s because happiness is the natural human state. Just look at a young child. Children don’t need to learn strategies for positive living, and they don’t need a reason to be happy. They need a reason to be sad. If a child cries, we ask, “What’s wrong?” If a child laughs and plays and dances around the room, we don’t ask, “What’s the big celebration about? Why are you happy?” A child is happy by default; if they aren’t happy there must be a reason, like they need to be changed, they are hungry or thirsty or tired, or need attention, or just had a Bris. But as long as nothing’s wrong, a child is happy for no reason at all.
Somewhere along the line things change. We grow older and become more demanding, harder to please, and we lose this childish contentment. As we become jaded by life’s disappointments, we feel that we need a reason to be happy. If you see an adult walking around with a big smile, you ask, “What’s wrong with you, why are you smiling?”
The difference is, a child is not self-conscious. They are free to be happy because they are not yet aware of themselves. It is only when we mature and become more self-aware that we also become more self-absorbed. We have worries and concerns, unfulfilled desires and unrealized dreams. None of us can honestly say we have it all, and we can always find reason to be upset. But a child isn’t bothered by what he is “missing,” so he does have it all. The child’s lack of self-consciousness leaves her free to enjoy life and be happy.
The more we are concerned with our own happiness, the farther we are away from achieving it. As soon as we forget about what we need and instead focus on what we are needed for—the good we can do for others rather than the good we can get for ourselves—our childlike joy comes flowing back and we are happy.
This is the focus of the joyous holiday of Purim: a time to give gifts to friends, donations to the needy, to say l’chaim, loosen our grip on our self and thank G‑d for the opportunity to be alive. Even in the darkest times, by becoming mission-focused rather than self-focused, we can access our inner joy.
Happiness is not somewhere out there; it rests within, in that part of us that is forever young and forever giving—our soul.
(Aron Moss)
So, my ego’s basic position (as it addresses me) is: there are problems that can’t be solved, and it’s your fault, because you should be able to fix them but you can’t, because there’s something wrong with you, and you’re not allowed to have a nice time until they’re solved, which they can’t be, so you might as well die.
The short version of this is: perception PROBLEM [[[[gloom]]]].
The ego is a liar; the ego is a liar; the ego is a liar; (sing along) the ego is a liar.
If it can be solved, it’s not a problem, it’s a task. If it can’t be solved, it’s not a problem, it’s a fact.
Either way, you’re cool. So go and enjoy something.
How I feel is a function not just of what I’ve been thinking over the last 24 hours but where I’ve ‘been’ spiritually over the preceding weeks and months. Spiritual out-of-sorts-ness does not arise overnight and does not vanish overnight. You can start to get things right, but you don’t start to feel better straight away, because a huge amount of energy is required to lift you back up off the earth into the air, back up out of the three dimensions of hell into the fourth dimension of heaven.
Hell doesn’t feel like hell when you first get there. The ego fills it with promises, and some start to come true. You have the illusion of control, the illusion of success, the illusion of winning at the game of life. The truth of hell bleeds through after a while; it bleeds through the bandages; the water seeps up through the floorboards; the hands reach up to pull you down further; and you realise you’ve been had, again. Once you click what’s happened, you’re gonna have to flap those wings like your life depends on it for a good while before you really get back to where you’re meant to be. You don’t belong in the Matrix (the material world, the shadow realm). You belong outside. Although you have to visit, daily, to do some work for God. But don’t move in. The only problem with the Matrix (in the film, that is) is that the real world outside is merely a different sort of hell. The truth, reality, is placid meadows. But anyway, back to the flapping.
Spiritual Paul had yellow sticky labels all over his bathroom wall with Bible quotations. Why? Because he needed them. He was right: he realised he needed to be reminded of God all day every day. Christians, Jews, Muslims, and I imagine other religions, pray multiple times a day, and at eye-watering length. They’re not wrong. You think you can get away with less. Well, maybe a little less. But still:
‘I should be “better” by now.’ Well, apparently not: I need to breath in God and breath out illusion whenever I am not engaged in productive activity or interaction (and even then, plenty of pausing is required).
Prayer, meditation, inventory (but don’t get bogged down: if you stare at the abyss for too long, you’ll start getting mail delivered there), listening to talks or lessons, going to meetings, going to classes, doing yoga, reading spiritual literature, and using every spare moment to do this.
I heard someone share recently about waking up every day and wondering what the ‘new adventure’ is going to be. Yep, there is a new adventure, but it’s not outside, it’s inside. The outside is simply a manifestation of the inside. Take care of the inside and the outside takes care of itself.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m spiritually off it’s not anger, it’s fear, and that fear crystallises into a coating of depression. The fear stems from a sense of wrongness and guilt, within me, and all three are projected onto the world. These three arise when the light inside goes out. Light it back up, and keep it lit. Think Hanukkah. That light has to light your whole world. Let it go out and everything goes dark and creepy.
We do recover, but we don’t stay that way without continued vigorous work, however settled and orderly things are on the outside. It’s the inside that counts. Get to it.
Rule 62: Don’t take yourself so goddamn seriously. You’re the agent, not the principal. Parachute in, do what needs to be done, accept it’s less than what might have been done, and get the hell out of Dodge. The material realm is where we visit. It’s not where we live. It’s not who we are.
The bridge appears over the abyss one slat at a time. Foot first, slat later.
‘Dear God, I always wanted to be happy,
I thought I could find it in the world,
Boy, wasn’t this nonsensical,
Boy, wasn’t I silly and absurd;
For it’s only through prayer and meditation,
Spiritual ways to still the mind,
And AA gives us the twelve steps to do this
Thank You God for being so loving and kind.’
(Happy Dennis)
‘T-13.in.2. The acceptance of guilt into the mind of God’s Son was the beginning of the separation, as the acceptance of the Atonement is its end. 2 The world you see is the delusional system of those made mad by guilt. 3 Look carefully at this world, and you will realize that this is so. 4 For this world is the symbol of punishment, and all the laws that seem to govern it are the laws of death. 5 Children are born into it through pain and in pain. 6 Their growth is attended by suffering, and they learn of sorrow and separation and death. 7 Their minds seem to be trapped in their brain, and its powers to decline if their bodies are hurt. 8 They seem to love, yet they desert and are deserted. 9 They appear to lose what they love, perhaps the most insane belief of all. 10 And their bodies wither and gasp and are laid in the ground, and are no more. 11 Not one of them but has thought that God is cruel.’
(A Course in Miracles)
‘When the Spirit of God has shed abroad the love of God in our hearts, we begin deliberately to identify ourselves with Jesus Christ’s interests in other people, and Jesus Christ is interested in every kind of man there is. We have no right in Christian work to be guided by our affinities; this is one of the biggest tests of our relationship to Jesus Christ. ... When a man says he must develop a holy life alone with God, he is of no more use to his fellow men: he puts himself on a pedestal, away from the common run of men. Paul became a sacramental personality; wherever he went, Jesus Christ helped Himself to his life. Many of us are after our own ends, and Jesus Christ cannot help Himself to our lives. If we are abandoned to Jesus, we have no ends of our own to serve.’
(Oswald Chambers)
‘(21) I am determined to see things differently. What I see now are but signs of disease, disaster and death. This cannot be what God created for His beloved Son. The very fact that I see such things is proof that I do not understand God. Therefore I also do not understand His Son. What I see tells me that I do not know who I am. I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me, rather than those which show me an illusion of myself.’
(A Course in Miracles)
Over the long run, self-acceptance is far more important than self-improvement.
In working the programme, I get a 67% for effort and a 33% in terms of spiritual progress. And that’s just about right. Because that’s enough to produce 100% sobriety.
Be kind to the speaker. They’ve taken time out of their day to perform service at your group. They had to travel to your group, they made themselves vulnerable by talking about very personal things, and then they’ll have to travel back. Don’t undermine, contradict, or attack. It’s always possible to present differing experiences whilst leaving the original presentation and person intact.
Sometimes a one-word answer is more polite than a two-word answer.
Ignoring is sometimes a legitimate and adequate response.
‘The scratches on your back, tear for tear, throb for throb, blood for blood, were equal to the stripes laid on the back of your stepmother’s slave because of the drugged sleep you cast upon her. You needed to know what it felt like.’
(The Horse and His Boy, C. S. Lewis)
‘For what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing: it also depends on what sort of person you are.’
(The Magician’s Nephew, C. S. Lewis)
Morals from The Horse and His Boy:
Even though you belong in the kingdom, you might find yourself growing up in the lower realm, suspecting dimly that you do not belong there. Your job may be to save the kingdom, but to do so you will need to escape the lower realm. It is only the knowledge of the lower realm that enables you to save the kingdom from the lower realm. Between the lower realm and the higher realm is a desert you have to cross.
‘Shasta’s heart fainted at these words for he felt he had no strength left. And he writhed inside at what seemed the cruelty and unfairness of the demand. He had not yet learned that if you do one good deed your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one.’
(The Horse and His Boy, C. S. Lewis)
‘Child,’ said the Lion, ‘I am telling you your story, not hers. No one is told any story but their own.’
The moral: don’t expect to figure anything out about the universe, the world, or the people around you.
(The Horse and His Boy, C. S. Lewis)
The stuff you’re grateful for is the decoration not the point.
If it becomes the point, you’re stuffed.
'T-21.in.1. Projection makes perception. 2 The world you see is what you gave it, nothing more than that. 3 But though it is no more than that, it is not less. 4 Therefore, to you it is important. 5 It is the witness to your state of mind, the outside picture of an inward condition. 6 As a man thinketh, so does he perceive. 7 Therefore, seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world. 8 Perception is a result and not a cause. 9 And that is why order of difficulty in miracles is meaningless. 10 Everything looked upon with vision is healed and holy. 11 Nothing perceived without it means anything. 12 And where there is no meaning, there is chaos.
T-21.in.2. Damnation is your judgment on yourself, and this you will project upon the world. 2 See it as damned, and all you see is what you did to hurt the Son of God. 3 If you behold disaster and catastrophe, you tried to crucify him. 4 If you see holiness and hope, you joined the Will of God to set him free. 5 There is no choice that lies between these two decisions. 6 And you will see the witness to the choice you made, and learn from this to recognize which one you chose. 7 The world you see but shows you how much joy you have allowed yourself to see in you, and to accept as yours. 8 And, if this is its meaning, then the power to give it joy must lie within you.'
(A Course in Miracles)