'Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.' (Rumi)
Sleeping well.
Eating well.
Exercising.
Having a routine.
Going to work.
Paying bills on time.
Balancing the books.
Impulse control.
Keeping your mouth shut.
Emotional stability.
Mental stability.
Rational thinking.
Perspective.
Common sense.
Making decisions.
Organisation.
Competence.
Maturity.
These are not going to be acquired overnight.
It's going to be really uncomfortable for a while.
Not to mention clumsy, messy, imperfect, embarrassing, and clearly inadequate.
So buckle up.
Don't wait until life becomes pleasant and streamlined before licking the first envelope.
I cannot change the past. I cannot change the truth. And I cannot change you.
For instance.
To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Duck.
'If only they would follow my suggestions, they would be so much happier.'
They're not interested in being so much happier.
Hating people does not change them. It changes me.
I can change my attitudes, my thinking, and my behaviour.
Thank God for Tradition III, or there'd be a petition by now.
Grow where you're planted.
You can only obey a rule if it exists
You can only identify with an identity if it exists
Obedience and rebellion
Identification and non-identification
Both acknowledge the system
The adherent, the rebel
The insider, the outsider
Have all bought the idea
What if the system does not exist?
Medieval humours, star signs, Myers–Briggs
There is a lot that has been discarded
Already
There is a lot
To be discarded
Still
The problem is not that there aren't enough boxes
The problem is that there are boxes
Building more
Does not help
Partitions
Do not let in light
No one has the authority to dictate what I believe, what I think, or how I construe the world.
If you don't like the existing boxes, you can create a new box.
Or you can realise the boxes aren't there in the first place.
One-word responses.
Yes.
No.
Think.
Pray.
Proceed.
Pause.
Consult.
Ask.
LOL.
I'm not responsible for others' reactions to my reasonable actions.
If I don't want to be exposed to their reactions, I don't have to be.
I am allowed to ask people to stop.
If they don't, I'm allowed to pause or end the relationship.
What does a sponsor do?
Provide guidance on how to take the steps.
Provide guidance on how to apply the principles of the steps, traditions, and concepts to situations arising.
Stick to principles and experience.
Keep guidance simple. Often one sentence, one phrase, or one word suffices.
Don't take any crap. If someone is acting out, say, 'cut it out', or some such phrase, then return to business.
A common pursuit of mine has been to enjoin others to talk me down from ledges I’ve constructed for this express purpose.
Vodka gave me a vacation from me.
If I don’t get away from me through spiritual means, I’ll end up taking a vodka vacation.
One can't stop being a people-pleaser and expect people to continue being pleased.
There are two ways of being uncooperative in a conversation. Firstly, not responding. Secondly, responding to every exchange but being maximally uncooperative in terms of moving the discourse forward to its ostensible goal using a combination of apparent misunderstanding, non-sequitur, red herring, digression, diversion, turning the tables, nit-picking, sophistry, defensiveness, accusation, gibbering, emotional outburst, and general filibustering.
Example
Diner: 'What does the chicken come with?'
Waiter: 'It doesn't come; we bring it.'
I've been on both sides of this fence, one side being considerably more entertaining than the other.
'Brother Lawrence spoke with great openness of heart concerning his manner of going to God whereof some part is related already. He told me that all consists in one hearty renunciation of everything which we are sensible does not lead to God. We might accustom ourselves to a continual conversation with Him with freedom and in simplicity. We need only to recognise God intimately present with us and address ourselves to Him every moment. We need to beg His assistance for knowing His will in things doubtful and for rightly performing those which we plainly see He requires of us, offering them to Him before we do them, and giving Him thanks when we have completed them.' (Practising the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence)
- Heartily renounce all that does not lead to God
- Talk to God continually, freely, and simply
- Recognise: God is always with me
- Ask when doubtful: What do I do?
- Ask for assistance in carrying out what is plainly His will
- Offer all actions taken to God
- Give God thanks on completion
'The greatest competitor of devotion to [God] is service for Him. It is easier to serve than to be drunk to the dregs. The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him. We are not sent to battle for God, but to be used by God in His battlings.' (Oswald Chambers)
If you let go, the carpet knows how to roll itself out in front of you.
You want blue goo. The universe says, 'but we have only green goo'. And you say, 'but I want blue goo'. And the universe says, 'goo is goo; what matters is not the colour but the goo'.
The film does not originate in the cinema screen. That is why I do not pray for the cinema screen. It's not the cinema screen that is responsible for what I'm seeing on it. I'm the projectionist. It's me. I pray for me. I pray for my fictions to be dissolved.
If a Christian planted an apple tree, and you ate one of the apples, would you be eating Christian apples? What matters is the content not the form.
Control is power's counterfeit cousin. Those that lack power seek control as its substitute.
How many sponsors does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
'I have tremendous fear' means 'I have tremendous self-reliance.'
However close to the centre of God's universe one retires, one can wake each morning simply anywhere, with only the clothes one is standing up in, and face the difficult trek back. However, if one recites the Step Three prayer and clicks the heels of one's ruby slippers three times, saying, 'there is no power like God's', one will indeed find oneself back in Kansas in a jiffy.
The ego's factory works overnight and delivers goods to the doorstep on awakening.
Defects are not removed like growths: today's examples are simply removed from the carriageway to the side of the road. Other examples will appear further along the road and will likewise require removal, daily.
Aristotle described three bases of friendship: utility, pleasure, and virtue. Adam Smith reserved the term 'friendship' for only the latter of the three: a relationship based on a common pursuit of a noble end. That particular virtue forms the basis for the strong and necessary bonds of recovery.
There is no action that is virtuous or wrongful by itself. It is the context that lends action its moral tenor. Violence is sometimes expeditious; forbearance, sometimes sinful.
Resentment and all forms of upset stem from a decision to be resentful or upset. Perception and interpretation (= scaffolding) are then co-opted to build the structure. Applying alternative perception and interpretation (= a new set of scaffolding) is useless until the old structure is razed to the ground, creating a space for the new structure to be built.
Some existential positions:
'It's their fault'
'The end is nigh'
'The house always wins'
'Infamy, infamy: they've all got it in for me'
'I'm surrounded by fools'
'There is never enough'
'I'm being undermined'
'No one loves me: I'm so alone'
'There are monsters abroad'
'I can't do anything right'
'I try so hard'
'Everything is getting worse'
'The future is not what it used to be'
When an existential position is held dearly, the evidence is made to fit the position. Until the position is dropped, one's perceptions and interpretations will apparently continue to support it.
Don't wrestle a greased pig unless you enjoy getting covered in mud.
Perception always involves interpretation. The interpretation depends on the guide: the ego or God.
When I display ego manifestations ('character defects'), and someone else reacts with an ego manifestation (anger, fear, guilt etc.), this does not mean either person is sinful, only mistaken. Moreover, the reaction is not caused by my ego manifestation. When someone angers me, I have not been transformed from angel into goblin. No, someone has merely presented me with a seemingly legitimate screen onto which to project my own existing simmering rage. No one outside of me causes my negative emotions: they merely occasion my awareness of them. The same applies the other way round.
When you wake up in the morning, never start perceiving and interpreting before first asking God to direct your thinking. Something needs to direct your thinking. If not God, what do you think will? There's only one alternative, and it's the king of lies.
An introduction to lectio divina (divinely inspired reading) starts thus: 'Make whatever preparations you need to leave the shadow world behind and encounter the fire of the Spirit and the light of God.'
The shadow world. What you think is the world is the shadow world, a world consisting in flat surfaces and shadows caused by a light source in another dimension being obstructed by movements of figures in another dimension. The material world is effect, not cause. God is the light; the figures are the illusions of the ego. The other dimension is universal consciousness.
You cannot manipulate shadows at the level of the shadows. So stop trying.
Other people really don't have to like me or approve of me, and no one needs to leave the room.
My question to myself in group settings: Has my participation contributed to clarity and harmony or has it created confusion and discord?
When you want to drop a ball out of your hand, you drop it. You don't ask the ball why it's not leaving your hand of its own accord. It is the same with beliefs, ideas, thinking, and behaviour.
A spiritual path is for people who conclude that their existing thought system is broken. This conclusion must be drawn daily.
Spiritual growth is rarely achieved through intellectual wrestling. New insights and new conceptual frameworks are adopted easily and without struggle once the ground is prepared. Resistance means that the ground is not prepared.
When my sponsor suggests inventory on a situation, I complete the inventory within 24 hours.
Nothing enrages raging people more than remaining calm: they cannot then legitimately project their rage onto you and blame you for it.
React, react, react, react, react, react ... what are you even trying to achieve?
Why do I work? Because people ask me to do things. My job is to do the tasks before me and suggest improvements only to further the goals of effectiveness, efficiency, and harmony. There is no place for prestige, self-image, power or position for its own sake, or for personal ambition, fear, greed or other manifestations of the ego.
Having taken Step Three, there is still too much 'I', 'me', 'my', and 'myself'. Where is God in this?
When diagnosing 'why', first check that one is maxing out on recovery (Twelve Steps), fellowship (broadly, and one-to-one engagement daily with people seeking only to carry out God's will), and service (inside AA and outside AA). Try that for a while, and then consider other possible causes.
My job is to fit myself to be of maximum service to others. I need have no other concern.
The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions suggests that we alcoholics are childish, emotionally sensitive, and grandiose. Oh how hard we search to identify other less mortifying reasons for our internal and external shortcomings and excesses!
Emotional immaturity, neurosis, and incompetence are common features of alcoholics. We typically stop growing when we start drinking. However, these are neither characteristics of alcoholism per se nor diagnostic signs. Like burst capillaries and bad teeth, most alcoholics have them, but they're consequences not causes.
The person squawking the loudest about the injustice of it all is sometimes not the greatest victim but the greatest manipulator. I, too, squawk.
Rage is the balm for the upset. It's not the problem. It's the wrong solution.
All the pain and rage come from a resistance to and refusal to accept reality.
It's no good arguing with an oyster to get it to yield up its pearl. Similarly the universe. It owes you neither explanation nor justification. It was here first. You are here for it. It is not here for you.
Don't contradict anyone if they have already made up their mind.
When I have found myself penning an extensive explanation to my sponsor about why I'm right, I'm wrong, or I've got the wrong sponsor.
Trying to figure God out is like shaking a snow globe and trying to discern truth in the flurries of white flakes.
Play with the kitten. She'll tell you about God.
How God is actually described in the Bible: father, mother, midwife, shepherd, lover, artist, potter, liberator, friend, Wisdom, hovering mother bird, angry mother bear, blowing wind, blazing flame, flowing water, unapproachable light, the One in whom we live and move and have our being. The list goes on.
Never hustle revelation.
How big is your life? Look within, not within. Does it reach to the cusp of heaven?
The burning bush, not the burning cedar of Lebanon, not the burning giant redwood. Find God in small things.
Groups of people, and even individual relationships between two people, are immensely complex. When I'm reducing the group or the relationship to a simple narrative, I'm invariably not seeing the truth. I then walk into the group or the relationship with the narrative in mind, and see selectively only what fits the narrative. This reinforces the narrative. The solution: drop the narrative and experience things as they are in real time.
WAIT: Why am I talking? WAIST: Why am I still talking?
My job is to keep my sails out of other people's wind.
He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears. (Proverbs 26:17)
'Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame.' I fall for this one every time. Myself, and in listening to others' narratives about third parties.
'So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.'
'It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.'
Do not engage with the mad, cross, drunk, or mean.
My ego is much smarter than me.
'Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.'
Proverbs 26:11 King James Version (KJV)
11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
'I feel lost.' 'That's because you are. We all are. But there is a power within us that does know. That power drip-feeds the knowledge to us one drop at a time. To receive today's and every day's drop, ask: how should I fill my time today? The rest is trust.'
'He hath shewed strength with his arm: he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He hath put down the mighty from their seat: and hath exalted the humble and meek.
He hath filled the hungry with good things: and the rich he hath sent empty away.'
You can't fill a full pot. You can't pump water through a blocked pipe. It's in devastation and poverty that we are useful to God, not in cleverness, accomplishment, or understanding.
'I have nothing to offer.' 'Except sixteen waking hours, a functioning body and mind, and a lifetime's accumulated knowledge and experience to surrender to God for His purposes.'
Proverbs 2
5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
Proverbs 6
16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
'To a disciple who was forever complaining about others the Master said, "If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth."' (Anthony de Mello)
'Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace, to be real, must be unaffected by outside circumstances.' (Mohandas K. Gandhi)
'Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.' (Francis de Sales)
'If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.' Maya Angelou
The reason the same problems keep recurring is because they're not problems: the identification of unsolvable problems is the solution to existential malaise. Then: the fault is never mine, and I'm off the hook.
Alcoholics are the only bunch of people who have been snatched from the jaws of death and have lived to complain about it.
When I listen to gossip, my fault is worse than when I retail it. It's the demand that creates the market.
When I'm 'doing inventory' on someone, it's me that I'm doing the inventory on, not the person in column one. Someone who regularly appears in my inventories is not necessarily more flawed than anyone else. They merely act as more effective mirrors in which I can discern my own querulous, rebarbative nature.
Lack of innate ability cannot be laid at my door. Ignorance can, because knowledge is available, and I am awake for 16 hours a day.
When I battle an idea, a person, a belief system, a practice, I am as much in its thrall as its docile adherent.
React, resist, reject, reproach, ... is not a helpful response.