‘Can you tell me, friend, why folks see so much folly at home?’
‘Because there are so many fools in the world, I guess.’
‘I have been pleased to observe,’ said ‘Walsingham, with a mixture of philosophy and sarcasm, ‘the facility with which men denounce as folly whatever may be foreign to their tastes. I recognise it as a wise provision of Nature, indulgent mother, for the happiness of her children. It is comfortable, nay gratifying, to feel satisfied of the wisdom of our own views, and the consequent folly of all who dissent. Men differ in temperament and tastes and are intolerant of those differences. The spendthrift, not satisfied with his own prodigality, despises those who do not share his fault. The miser does not confine himself to the mere pleasure of hoarding but takes a higher delight in his superiority over those who are too short-sighted to follow his example. The bon-vivant admires himself as prince of good fellows, while the Grahamite believes himself a Solomon for wisdom. The poet,’ and he raised his eyes to the Blue Hill Bluff, ‘the poet revels in his ideal world, with a feeling of contemptuous pity for the practical man, against whom the fairy gates are closed; while he, in turn, regards his imaginative brother as a brain-sick fool, unfit for the earnest purposes of life. Each is intolerant of another's taste—each accuses his brother of folly.’
(From Eros and Anteros by Judith Canute)
Judgement came into existence only at the fall. Before that, there was no recognition of good and evil. The lesson that the fall is an illusion has to be learned. It can be learned the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is to recognise this now. The hard way is to recognise this by having everything 'good' taken away or everything 'bad' thrust upon one and only then realising that nothing has really happened. Luke 23 covers this topic well. Pop your last penny in the pot.
'Katastrophen kennt allein der Mensch, sofern er sie überlebt; die Natur kennt keine Katastrophen.' ('Catastrophes are recognised as such only by people, provided, that is, that they survive them. Nature does not recognise this notion.') (Max Frisch)
Mind over matter.
When matter resists, spirit over mind.
When your spirit fails, borrow others'.
Thales was the first Greek philosopher to speculate about the primary material element or source (arche) of all beings and cosmic phenomena, which he identified as water (hydor). The importance of water in life and nature was probably the principal reason that made Thales came to this conclusion.
Thales ultimately died of dehydration watching gymnastics.
Knowledge is necessary but not sufficient.
I don't have to reply. Repeat after me: I don't have to reply.
Holding pattern.
Defend, resist, deflect.
Potentially indefinite.
It looks like I'm asking for help.
Actually I want to stay exactly as I am.
But appear to have exhausted all other options.
So I don't need to feel guilty about it.
'Il cielo è limpidissimissimo
sei tu che piovi'
'The sky is very very very clear
It's you who rain'
(Rancore)
How to get on with people:
Accept people as they are. Don't react. That's it.
How I remain trapped:
Select a few facts and circumstances from the array available. Construct a picture, like construing constellations of stars that, in reality, have no spatial relationship to each other. Interpret the picture to mean this:
I'm holy and innocent. Other people are mean and sick, and that's why they treat me badly.
Find like minds to corroborate my version of events.
No flies on me!
If the narrative smacks of 'I'm a holy innocent in a cruel world that is out to get me just because', it's untrue. Every reaction others have towards me is elicited by me. Sometimes, my behaviour is wrong. Sometimes it's legitimate. But others' reactions are never 'just because', and malice for the sake of malice, in my experience, is rare. Even then, there's a reason 'why me' and not someone else. Even the malicious are selective.
I am responsible for creating the world I think I see around me. Whilst I think anything outside of me is responsible for what I believe, think, and see, I am going to remain 100 per cent trapped in a universe of darkness, fear, hate, and self-loathing.
It’s possible apparently to engage in recovery actions, including inventory, for many years without understanding this. I know, because that is what I did. The result of this is nil. Recovery then appears to have failed.
Recovery did not fail. I had failed to take the first step in the process, which is to realise that what I think I see IS NOT THERE. I had created it as part of my attempt to establish an identity and a reality for myself in the material world: the ego.
Recovery does not BEGIN until this is understood.
It's not about them.
The calls are coming from within the house.
My faulty beliefs and thinking are responsible for my negative emotions.
For the emotions to change, the faulty beliefs and thinking have to change.
'Don't like it? Oh, do a column.'
(Jonathan)
When I have a resentment:
Leave them be.
It's not about me.
I'm the one who has given it all the meaning it has.
My anger doesn't change them, but it does change me.
Don't waste my time thinking about other people negatively.
Hold them in a bubble of love.
Turning your will and life over to a Higher Power is not like Selfridges allowing Estée Lauder to have a ground-floor concession. It's like selling the whole shop to a new sole shareholder.
If uncertainty is less acceptable than pain, despair will be preferred over hope.
Despair is predicated on knowing. We don't know.
Count up from zero: anything achieved today is a success.
My first response to someone else's distress is: I have to fix it. This is untrue.
Let go of the universe, the solar system, the planet, civilisation, society, community, the people around you, the past, the future.
This leave with my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour.
As soon as you answer a question, you stop having an experience with it.
'In a spiritual sense, anonymity amounts to a renunciation of personal prestige as an instrument of general policy. It is a vital prerequisite for humility, honest empathy, and harmony with the universe. Surprisingly, after forty-one years of AA, we are just now beginning to understand the full therapeutic impact of anonymity. The AA member who understands anonymity realises it is not just a matter of keeping his name secret. It is a philosophical way of life, an attitude, a way of getting out of the self and becoming at one with universal forces. Empathy, or complete identification with society, individually, and collectively, is enhanced by it.'
(R.A., Yuba City, California)
'In the situations I'm going through now, my current sponsor Carol R. has taught me the saying, "it is what it is."'
The day that people drink again.
What does that look like?
It looks like today.
How does it happen?
The mental obsession returns.
What is that?
The persistently recurring delusion that a drink is a good idea.
If I'm the ultimate authority in my life, and I have a good idea, I will eventually implement it.
Once it's in the house, it's too late. And it won't knock first.
The only solution is the 24-hour-a-day commitment to doing God's will.
Resistance is fine. You can resist a commitment but still fulfil it.
Before asking a question or a favour, ask yourself:
Does this need to be asked?
Can I answer this myself?
Does this need to be done?
Can I do this myself?
If I do something for a sponsee that he can do for himself or answer a question he can answer for himself, I become a service-provider or, worse, a servant, and that serves no one.
That's what the Big Book is talking about when it cautions against placing our work on a service plane.
Turn my will and life over to God?
Sure.
And the next hour?
Wait a minute ...
Rotation
This is an important principle: not just between roles within a group but between groups.
What does this prevent?
The perception in my mind and others that I am attached to a particular group.
The perception of vested interests that need to be protected.
The perception of hierarchy and control.
The perception of holding court.
The perception of centres of gravity.
What does this promote?
Members younger in sobriety stepping up to the plate.
Organic growth promoted by new energy in the group.
Fluidity and flexibility.
The oneness of the fellowship.
Genuine democracy.