Stop trying to fix everything. Stop trying to recover.
So you've got a little compulsion. You're a little fat. You eat too much sugar. You don't exercise. You're snappish, reactive, touchy, gloomy, and glib. You borrow other people's emotions because you can't get in touch with your own. Or you dissociate. You think everything's about you. Or you think nothing's about you. You're always busy. Or you're never busy. Or you're busy achieving nothing. You sleep with all of the wrong people. Or with no one.
Stop trying to fix all of these. Stop trying to fix any of these.
So, you're a human bring. You have a problem with that? Not very flattering, being human. You want to be nice, and good, and yummy, and effective. At least more so than other people. That's what this is about. That might be where all this recovering is coming from. You don't like being you, the thwarted, fumbling superego on top of an eel-bucket of conflicting emotions, cluttered synaptic clefts like road junctions in Mumbai, misfiring electrical impulses and gushing hormones, and literally unspeakable physical yearnings stemming from thousands of years of maladaptive evolutionary processes and generations' worth of trauma encoded into your DNA, with an awareness of the horror of it all far more evolved than your ability to do anything about it.
You think you're gonna fix that if you make that extra meeting at the Soho Recovery Centre on a Wednesday at 5.00 a.m.? Or if you start sharing? Or if you stop sharing and start listening? Or if you shaved a bit more often?
How about:
You give yourself a break. You stop trying to stop everything. Or you stop trying to start everything.
How about you have a day. Just a day. Just one.
Do a few good things. Trust God. Help others. Maybe find one small thing to change. Or maybe find no small things to change. Maybe clean the bathroom. Maybe return the call. Maybe copy those phone numbers off those pieces of paper into your phone. Maybe work a little. Maybe talk to a few people. Maybe have some dinner. Maybe do a little inventory. Maybe go to a meeting. Maybe pray a little. Maybe give yourself the tiniest little bit of breaks. Jesus. There's always something wrong. What if there's nothing wrong because we're supposed to be like this. Did you ever think of that? If we weren't supposed to be, why are we? Like, the whole of humanity. You think we're all not trying hard enough?
Maybe God will only really get rid of a defect it is really, really in the way, and we're really, really willing. And even then just once a month. Maybe just suck whatever it is dry until it's really not working for ya anymore. Then whatever it is will just drop off like a ripe fruit or wither like a vestigial organ.
And in the meantime, breathe, and enjoy the day. Can you do that, can you? Good. Do that then. It's really not so bad.