In the third column, we identify how others' (column 1) behaviour (column 2) affects us.
How to work out which area is affected
Scripts
If I don’t think others are acting right in a non-sexual scenario, my personal relations are affected.
If I don’t think others are acting right in a sexual scenario, my sexual relations are affected.
Outcomes
If my income, assets, or property are harmed or threatened, my pocketbooks are affected.
If I need something I've not got or might not get, my security is affected.
If I want something I've not got or might not get, my ambitions are affected.
Image
If I’m bothered by what others think about me, my pride is affected.
If I feel ashamed or inadequate, my self-esteem is affected.
How to 'consider it carefully' (bottom of page 65)
Personal relations: What script am I giving the person?
Sex relations: What script am I giving the person?
Pocketbooks: How does the situation affect my income, assets, or property?
Security: What do I need that I have not got or might not get?
Ambitions: What do I want that I have not got or might not get?
Pride: How do I want them to see me? How do I think they see me?
Self-esteem: How do I want to see myself? How do I see myself?
Example answers:
Personal relations:
He should be clear and straightforward.
They should seek our advice and act accordingly.
He should share on the topic.
She should be polite and not be accusatory.
She should not tell me off.
Sex relations:
He should fancy me.
He should initiate sex with me.
Pocketbooks:
If they don't like my work, they will not commission more. Affects my income.
If the builders take longer to complete the work, I will have to stay in a hotel for longer. Affects my savings.
Security:
To be OK, I need the AA group to remain stable.
To be OK, I need my other half to be happy.
To be OK, I need to spend time with my best friend.
To be OK, I need free speech to be maintained.
Ambitions:
I want to be given high-profile work.
I want to have lots of free time to read.
I want to go on holiday to Germany.
Pride:
He sees me as a pushover, a patsy. I want him to see me as a respected authority.
He sees me as an equal. I want him to see me as a superior.
She sees me as difficult and thoughtless. I want her to see me as helpful and professional.
Self-esteem:
I want to see myself as effective and competent as a sponsor. I see myself as inefficient and useless.
I want to see myself as flawless and impressive as a writer. I see myself as error-prone and uninteresting.