The following is intended to
share some experience, in case it helps others. It does not represent criticism
of how anyone else lives, works the programme, or doesn’t work the programme.
It merely sets out what I was like, what happened, and what I am like now. If
you identify, great! If you don’t, that’s OK too. If it helps, great! If it
doesn’t, that’s OK, too. If your path has been the same, great! If your path has been different, that's OK, too. I’m not here to debate or argue, just to present and
offer. In any case, I wish you well on your journey.
I've been sober since 24 July
1993. I've experienced bouts of sometimes very serious depression and anxiety
since I've been sober. There are many people who are totally fine with
selecting just some elements of the AA programme. Unfortunately, or
fortunately, I have needed the whole package deal to resolve the issues
underlying the depression and anxiety and find a way to thrive. I have found
the spiritual means to be 100% effective over the last 26 years. I have found
no problem associated with my state of mind, my emotions, my thinking, or my
being that has not yielded entirely to persistent application of the principles
contained in the Steps, the Traditions, and the Concepts.
What has that involved?
Firstly, I have had to work
and rework the Twelve Steps. Through trial and error, I eventually found that
following the Steps exactly as they're set out in the book Alcoholics
Anonymous, under the guidance of people who have been doing the same for
decades, proved the most transformative approach. Not just once, but whenever a
serious problem arises.
How does this differ than
other approaches I tried? There are several elements I previously missed. (1)
Entire forgiveness of everyone for everything, which ultimately means replacing
all judgement with identification. (2) Tireless and painstaking efforts to
resolve tensions in all relationships, past and present, through the amends and
reconstruction process, with zero criticism of others. (3) Centring my life on
staying close to and serving Spirit. Prayer and meditation are the constant
state of being I seek to reside in. They're not a USB plugin device; they're
the motherboard.
Secondly, I need to serve. If
I don't serve Spirit by serving others, I end up serving self, which invariably
results in fear, frustration, disappointment, and despair. Conversely, whenever
I have found myself beset by fear, frustration, disappointment, and despair, I
invariably discover self, in one form or another, at the core of the problem. I
seek to serve within AA and without. This means sponsoring a lot of people, for
many hours each week, service at home groups, and service throughout the AA
service structure.
Thirdly, I need the fellowship
around me not just of people who are members of AA but people who are fully
active in all three legacies of unity, service, and recovery. Only by
surrounding myself with people who are seeking to be rid of self and want only
to serve Spirit, as a channel for that Spirit to transform others' lives, have
I found the promises associated with all of the Steps of AA to come true consistently.
The spiritual way of life
outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous is the core. I supplement that
(without replacing it with) A Course In Miracles, plus numerous other
writings.
But all of this was based on a
single, simple insight: when I am unhappy, I recognise that I have created that
unhappiness through my interpretation of and reaction to life. For change to
happen, I have to admit that my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour are not
working and need to change. In short, I have needed to admit defeat and say, 'I
don't know'. Whilst I still knew, I could not change. You cannot pour anything
into a full cup.
What has the result been? A life
of usefulness and contentedness, with wide and abiding connections with others,
with the world, and with Spirit.
The above is a very short
version of a very long story. If you would like to know more, or would like
help adopting the same approach, feel free to contact me.