I drank too much. In fact, I drank way too much for way too long. How much is too much? Enough to give rise to consequences that were unacceptable to me. It did not matter that the consequences might have been taken by others in their stride. What mattered is that they were important to me, and yet they were insufficient to bring about consistent moderation or stopping. When and how hard I tried to moderate or stop are actually irrelevant: the fact that I didn't is sufficient evidence for me. If a person keeps driving into brick walls, the question of whether they're not hitting the brakes or whether they try hitting the brakes but the brakes fail is neither here nor there: either way, they keep hitting the wall despite intending not to, and unless something changes they're going to die. That was the position I was in when I came to AA. I drank too much, I didn't moderate, and I didn't stop. Powerlessness over alcohol means powerlessness over whether I have the first drink and powerlessness over how much I then drink and for how long. If I'm powerless at these two levels, my life is not manageable by me: it is being managed by my desire for the first drink and my subsequent desire for more. Unmanageability has nothing to do with having a chaotic external life or being neurotic, emotionally immature, or incompetent. Plenty of people fit that description yet are not powerless over the first drink; plenty of people have an orderly external life and are perfectly balanced, emotionally mature, and competent yet are indeed powerless over the first drink. The problem lies deeper: self-centeredness and the sense of separation that can be overcome temporarily by alcohol or permanently by God. If I'm to stay sober, I need a power greater than the desire for the first drink, and God is the only power I've encountered that is powerful enough to trump the desire over the first drink. That's why a spiritual experience is necessary for an alcoholic of my type and has been working for me for the last quarter of a century.