One way of rewording the 'powerlessness + unmanageability' combo for any problem:
Step One: I persistently return to destructive patterns.
That could be alcohol, sex-related acting out, romance-related acting out, gambling, pills, drugs, starvation, binging, purging, etc. Some of these are mine.
In Al-Anon: there are four destructive patterns (with variants) I see in my case:
(1) Taking responsibility where it's not my mine to take
(2) Not taking responsibility where it is mine to take
(3) Giving you responsibility where it's not yours to take
(4) Denying your responsibility where it is yours to take
That's the baseline, and that's what the Steps, Traditions, Concepts, Fellowship, and Service have solved for me.
Step One: I persistently return to destructive patterns.
That could be alcohol, sex-related acting out, romance-related acting out, gambling, pills, drugs, starvation, binging, purging, etc. Some of these are mine.
In Al-Anon: there are four destructive patterns (with variants) I see in my case:
(1) Taking responsibility where it's not my mine to take
- Trying to control your addiction, recovery, or life
- Offering you solutions you already have
- Working those solutions for you
- Creating a crisis
- Martyrdom, mothering, managing, manipulation
(2) Not taking responsibility where it is mine to take
- Neglect of my own needs, duties, and enjoyment of life
(3) Giving you responsibility where it's not yours to take
- Blaming you for what is not your fault
- Asking you to rescue me
- Relying on you for energy, creativity, spontaneity, and passion
(4) Denying your responsibility where it is yours to take
- Permitting unhealthy behaviour beyond reasonable bounds of tolerance / not setting boundaries
- Making excuses / covering up
- Denying the effect of your conduct on me
- Preventing a crisis when it is in the natural course of things
That's the baseline, and that's what the Steps, Traditions, Concepts, Fellowship, and Service have solved for me.