Friday, 29 September 2017
Upset about what others think?
When I’m upset about what other people think about me, and feel ‘less than’, here are what my mistakes are:
1. People have varied worth. (Truth: all people are of infinitive and indivisible worth).
2. My personal worth is (a) finite and (b) fluctuating (this flows from 1.)
3. I need to work out what my worth is. (Truth: once the truth in 1. is established, that holds forever and does not need to be checked or re-established).
4. My worth is based on how well I score against certain criteria. (Truth: see 1.)
5. Appearance, achievement, popularity, sex, money, etc. are good criteria. (Truth: these are superficial values and, being mutable, are terrible criteria for judging worth. The only valid parameter to measure is performance, not worth, and the criteria for ‘have I performed well?’ are (a) Am I using my time well? (b) Am I fully engaged in my activities? These are the only criteria over which we have control: disposition of time and presence).
6. To measure my score against certain criteria I should reference other people’s response to me. (Truth: other people are no more qualified to judge worth than me.)
7. Other people have validly measured my worth. (Truth: people rarely systematically establish others’ worth and if they do their assessment is valueless.)
8. I can infer what worth they have ascribed to me by interpreting their facial expressions, tone of voice, other gestures, and behaviour in general as these are the sole indicator of my worth and indicate nothing but my worth. (Truth: these external observations are a sign of many things, the very least of which is what worth others fleetingly ascribe to me; furthermore, unless I’m a trained behavioural analysist and psychologist, this is a perilously dilettante exercise).