Friend: “Good morning. You look a bit down.”
Alcoholic: “Yes, well, I’ve had a bit of bad news.”
F: “I’m sorry to hear that. What is it?”
A: “Well you know the people who helped me stop drinking?”
F: “Yes?”
A: “Well, I was happy to go through their programme to get
me off the sauce; that was a few months ago now, and I’ve got my life together,
my job’s going well, my girlfriend’s come back, and I’m having a great time.”
F: “So what’s the problem?”
A: “The problem is that that they say there’s more I have to
do, to stay sober forever.”
F: “That sounds rough! What do you have to do?”
A: “It’s just awful. I’m not sure I can bring myself to say
it.”
F: [stares blankly]
A: “I suppose I have to tell you. They say I have to spend
time with people, for the rest of my life.”
F: “What do you mean, ‘spend time with people’?”
A: “Just that. I’m supposed to go to these places a couple
of times a week where there are people, and they take turns talking about their
lives and discussing things. They actually want me to participate, and talk. And
then I have to spend time with individual people, where I talk about myself,
and they talk about themselves, and then we discuss things. Can you believe it?”
F: “That does
sound rough. I mean, you really don’t like people, do you?”
A: “Actually, I do. I’m scared this is going to detract from
my social life.”
F: “Your social
life? What does that consist of?”
A: “Oh, spending time with people.”
F: “And what does that involve?”
A: “Well, we get together in groups and talk about our lives
and discuss things. Sometimes I hang out with just one person, and we take
turns talking about ourselves, and then we discuss things. See?”
F: “Erm … so what’s the problem? Don’t you like the fact
that these people are also sober?”
A: “No, of course, I’m glad they’re sober. Sober people are
much easier to be with than drunk people.”
F: “So what is the problem then? Are the sober people
fundamentally different from the ‘social life people’? Is it that you have to
spend time with particular sober people?”
A: “Well, firstly they’re just like the social life people,
except firstly they’re sober all of the time rather than most of the time, and secondly
they, like me, are condemned to having to spend time with people just to stay
alive. On the second point, no, I can go where I want; in fact there are tens
of thousands of people to choose from, and over nine hundred different places I
can go in London, many in walking distance from my office and home.”
F: “So what you’re saying is, you have recovered from
alcoholism, and all you have to do to stay sober forever and maintain the
wonderful life you have been given is spend time with people?”
A: “Yes.”
F: “My heart goes out to you, mate.”