Read the chapter once through then read it more carefully
once again, answering the following questions.
|
Questions
|
Reference or answer
|
|
Should
an alcoholic get special treatment just because they are in recovery?
|
Page
122:1.[1]
No.
Just because a person is in recovery, they don’t get free passes or special
treatment. We have God behind us. We don’t need free passes or special
treatment. In fact, with God behind us, and the programme ahead of us, we
have greater responsibilities than those without the programme and
structure of AA.
|
|
What
is the common ground of a relationship?
|
Page
122:1.
The
common ground of tolerance, understanding, and love. That means there is no
room for criticism, intolerance, or impatience. Instead: try to understand
where people are coming from and why they are doing what they are doing, and
above all accept things as they are. Love means doing things for fun and for free expecting nothing in
return.
The
concept of common ground means that we each have our own private ground and
individual lives, to which we are entitled privacy.
|
|
Where
do problems in families or other groups come from?
|
Page
122.
·
Having fixed ideas about the family’s attitude
towards you.
·
Being interested in having your wishes
respected.
·
Demanding others concede.
·
Playing the lead.
·
Trying to arrange the family show to your liking.
·
Trying to see what you can take from family life
rather than give.
NB
this applies to any group dynamic.
|
|
What
mistakes do the family of someone in recovery make?
|
Page
123:1 onwards.
·
Remembering good times in the past and
comparing today’s life unfavourably against them.
·
Demanding that the good times be brought back
instantly.
·
Believing God owes them something.
·
Not realising that an even better life lies
ahead but that it takes years.
·
Reproaching the recovering person.
·
Burying the skeletons of the past in a dark
closet and padlocking the door.
·
Believing that happiness requires
forgetfulness.
·
Digging up past misdeeds so they become a
blight.
·
Unearthing old affairs and angrily casting their
ashes around.
·
Criticising or laughing at other people.
Page 131:0 onwards.
·
In families where the non-alcoholic assumed
all responsibilities, not adjusting when the alcoholic is once more able to take
their rightful place.
·
Demanding that the alcoholic give them all
their attention and stay at home.
|
|
What
should the family of someone in recovery do instead?
|
Page
123:1 onwards.
·
Admire them for what they are trying to be
rather than what they are trying to get.
·
Be willing to turn the past to good account.
·
Face and rectify errors and convert them into
assets.
·
When the occasion requires, bring even
grievous former mistakes out of their hiding places to show others how we
were given help—but do not discuss past occurrences unless some good and
useful purpose is to be served.
·
Temper talk of each other by a spirit of love
and tolerance.
·
Do not relate intimate experiences of another
person unless we are sure they would approve.
·
Stick to our own stories.
Page
127:1 onwards.
·
See own shortcomings and admit them to others.
·
Avoid heated argument, self-pity,
self-justification, or resentful criticism.
·
Ask less and give more: giving rather than
getting is the guiding principle.
Page 130:2 onwards.
·
Apply spiritual principles yourself.
·
Adopt a sane spiritual programme and
make good practical use of it.
·
Yield.
|
|
What
are the pitfalls for the alcoholic in recovery in relation to family life?
How should the family respond to each? How should the alcoholic respond?
|
Page
125:3 onwards.
Plunging
into a frantic attempt to get on their feet in business (symptoms on page
126:1–2).
Response
by the family:
·
Don’t criticise—it makes the impasse worse.
·
Recognise the alcoholic is still convalescing.
·
Be grateful for their sobriety and ability to
‘be of this world’ once more.
·
Praise progress.
·
Remember how long it takes to repair damage.
·
Pursue tolerance, love, and spiritual
understanding.
Response
by the alcoholic:
·
Don’t place money first.
·
Remember that material wellbeing follows
spiritual progress.
·
Exert oneself in the home.
·
Show unselfishness and love.
Talking
or thinking of little other than their new life (symptoms on page 128:1–2).
Response
by the family:
·
Appreciate that this is but a phase.
·
Do not criticise.
·
Do not try to change them.
·
Let them go as far as they like in helping
other alcoholics.
Response
by the alcoholic:
·
Recognise that there is a distortion of
values—a spiritual life which does not include his family obligations is
imperfect.
|
|
Are
there obligations outside recovery and the home?
|
Page
131:2 onwards.
Make
new acquaintances who know nothing of alcoholism and give thoughtful
consideration to their needs.
Give
attention to the problems of the community.
(Optionally)
make contact with or take membership in a religious body, avoiding argument,
instead making new friends and finding new avenues of usefulness and
pleasure.
|
|
Is
there room for fun in recovery?
|
We
absolutely insist on enjoying life.
|
|
How
should we respond to politics?
|
We try not to indulge in
cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles
on our shoulders.
|
|
What
do we do when we see anyone in need? And what is the boundary of this?
|
When
we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid
and place what we have at his disposal. For his sake, we do recount and
almost relive the horrors of our past.
But
those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of
others find we are soon overcome by them.
|
|
Whose
fault is unhappiness, and how should we deal with adversity?
|
We
are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to
the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that
for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do
it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes,
cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.
|
|
What
advice is given on health matters?
|
But
this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has
abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and
practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems
to such persons. … Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among
us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services
are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case
afterward.
|
|
What
advice is given on sex?
|
Page
134:1.
|
|
What
advice is given on how to get on with the children of the family?
|
Page
134:2–3.
|
|
What
are the promises of this chapter?
|
Old
buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones.
The
alcoholic’s past becomes the principal asset of the family and frequently the
only one.
Your
dark past is the greatest possession you have—the key to life and happiness
for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.
You
have barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if you
mine it for the rest of your life and insist on giving away the entire
product.
Those
of us who have spent much time in the world of spiritual make-believe have
eventually seen the childishness of it. This dream world has been replaced by
a great sense of purpose, accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power
of God in our lives. We have come to believe He would like us to keep our
heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on
earth. That is where our fellow travellers are, and that is where our work must
be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible
between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy
usefulness.
He
and his family can be a bright spot in such congregations. He may bring hope
and new courage to many a priest, minister, or rabbi, who gives his all to
minister to our troubled world.
We
have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.
We
are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health
restorative. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of
mental health. But we have seen remarkable transformations in our bodies.
Hardly one of our crowd now shows any mark of dissipation.
|
|
What
are the three slogans of this chapter?
|
First
Things First
Live
and Let Live
Easy
Does It.
|
[1]
The page numbers denote pages in the book Alcoholics
Anonymous. The numbers after the colon indicate the paragraph of the page
in question. ‘1’ means the first full paragraph. ‘0’ means any run-on
paragraph at the top of the page, which actually started on the previous page.