The page number is that in the Big Book, fourth
edition. The number after the colon is the paragraph number. 0 denotes the
run-on of a paragraph starting on the previous page at the top of the page in
question.
Read through the
Doctor's Opinion to get an overview.
Say this prayer (or something that expresses the same idea,
if you don't believe in God—perhaps resolve to be open-minded):
"God, I hereby
renounce all preconceived opinions; please set aside for me my present habits
of thought and my present views and prejudices; please jettison anything and
everything that can stand in the way of my finding the truth; remove my fear of
public opinion and of the disapproval of relatives or friends; help me see that
my most cherished beliefs may be mistaken and that my ideas and views of life
may be false and in need of recasting. Let me start again at the very beginning
and learn life anew."
Before you begin, make a list of the types of sexual behaviour
that are causing a problem because you are engaging in them excessively or at
all, despite negative consequences:
- Fantasy
- Flirting or hunting for
sex
- Use of dating/hook-up apps
- Masturbation
- Porn
- Fetishes
- Predatory or pressurising behaviour
- Sex with negative
consequences
- Other: ___________
We’re going to call this ‘acting out’.
Now consider these:
xxv:6 "I personally know scores of cases who were of the type with
whom other methods had failed completely."
What else have you
tried to stop acting out? What else have you tried to sort out your life?
xxvi:5 "It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control
our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full
flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true
to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are
sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the
alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete."
xxx:5 "All these, and many more, have one symptom in common: They
cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This
phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which
differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has
never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently
eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence."
The 'allergy' is
the abnormal reaction—one not shared by healthy people—of habitually acting out
more than you intend once you start.
When you start acting
out, do you act out more than you intended?
Could this be
because you were unhappy, deluded, or couldn't think straight?
Did you also act
out when you weren't unhappy or deluded and could indeed think straight?
I continued acting
out, regardless. What about you?
xxvii:6 "We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of
moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application
presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultramodern
standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well
equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge."
Can you think your
way out of your acting out and / or problems?
Do you need a power
of good / God in your life?
xxvii:8 ". . . the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the
gates of death."
Can you see how
your acting out might kill you?
xxviii:1 ". . . We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that
the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an
allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never
occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely
use alcohol in any form at all; and once having lost their self-confidence,
their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become
astonishingly difficult to solve."
NB if the craving ever
occurs, you're probably an addict.
Have you lost
self-confidence? When?
Have you lost your reliance upon things human? When?
Have your problems piled up on you? When?
Have they become astonishing difficult to solve? When?
Have you lost your reliance upon things human? When?
Have your problems piled up on you? When?
Have they become astonishing difficult to solve? When?
xxviii:4 "Men and women drink essentially because they like the
effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit
it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the
false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the
sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks
which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the
desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass
through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm
resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this
person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his
recovery."
What did acting out
do for you?
Did you repeatedly return to the acting out even when acting out didn’t work or caused terrible consequences?
Did you repeatedly return to the acting out even when acting out didn’t work or caused terrible consequences?
Are you restless,
irritable, and discontented?
Can you see you
need a solution to these if you are going to stay clean?
xxix:3 "Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological
approach."
Have an
intellectual understanding of your problem plus common-sense tips kept you clean?
Wrap-up questions
44:1 "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit
entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you
take, . . .
When you honestly
want to, can you quit entirely?
When you act out,
do you have little control over how long you act out for or what you do?
44:1 . . . you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be
suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."
That is the bad
news. This is the good news:
xxix:1 "On the other hand—and strange as this may seem to those who
do not understand—once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who
seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them,
suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only
effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."
The simple rules
are getting a sponsor, working the steps, and having fellowship with other addicts
and service in your life.