‘Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of
spiritual progress.’
‘Counsel with
persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge.’
‘This is perhaps
difficult—especially discussing our defects with another person.’
‘Notwithstanding
the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone ...’
‘When these crop
up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately
...’ (Alcoholics Anonymous)
Sometimes,
criticism is voiced of sponsors who set themselves up as ‘gods’ in people’s
lives. An alternative is presented: total reliance on God. The appropriateness
of God-reliance (as opposed to sponsor-reliance) is consistent with my experience.
God-reliance is what the programme is all about. My sponsor does not tell me
what to do; I do not tell sponsees what to do.
Now, let’s look
more deeply at what God-reliance means, and let’s look more deeply at what
sponsorship means.
Sponsorship is not
just about saying: ‘Do this next!’; ‘Now do this!’ Sponsors are not merely the
AA equivalent of the voice on the GPS system that verbalises the map.
Sponsorship is about far more than voicing the instructions set out in the Big
Book.
Firstly, as a sponsor,
I explain what may not be clear to a sponsee from just reading the Big Book.
Much needed to be explained to me, and I have rarely encountered a sponsee that
does not need at least some parts of the Big Book explaining. People frequently
get the wrong end of the stick.
Secondly, I share
experience with sponsees, and my sponsor shares experience with me. That
experience can then be used as a general template for or guide to right
thinking and conduct.
Thirdly, as a sponsor,
I can help a sponsee work through how to apply spiritual principles, including
God-reliance, to a particular situation.
To me, this is
what the first of the above quotations means: we are in this together.
What are the
boundaries of this?
As a sponsor, I
don’t tell people what to do about any specific matter, because the
consequences of the actions must be the sponsee’s not mine (amongst other
reasons). I point sponsees towards God and to the principles of the programme.
What does
God-reliance mean?
To me, it means
that I go to God on any questionable matter and ask for direction. How does
that direction get given? It gets given directly through inspiration, an
intuitive thought, or a decision; it comes through spiritual reading I engage
in; it comes through listening at meetings; it comes through sudden observation
in the course of life outside AA; it comes through consultation with others.
God-reliance does
not mean that I shut down all other relationships and refrain from discussing
anything with anyone else, trusting instead that now that I have a hotline to
God, such that God and I can now handle everything without any interference
from other people, thank you very much.
A further point: I
was 21 when I got sober, and clueless. I cannot count the times over the last
23 years when I was convinced through prayer and meditation that a particular
course of action was right, only to mention it to a sponsor or friend in AA and
watch their face fall. Is this consistent with early AA? The Tradition Two
essay in ‘Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions’ provides a perfect example of
this, where Bill comes up with what he thinks is a splendid idea, only to have
the group point out that it is anything but.
God-reliance does
indeed mean that I place God first; it does not mean that I blithely disregard
others’ views or experience.