When I’m acting out (in other words behaving in ways that are damaging to me and/or others for some short-term benefit), and I’m aware of it, I must conclude that I have not taken Step Six.
That means I still believe that I’m the god in my own life, i.e. my own director, that I make great decisions, and if I did God’s will instead, I would be unhappier.
That is the mechanism behind the curtain.
The questions I ask myself are these: Am I done being the director? Who is God? Me or God? Am I willing to surrender to the programme of action absolutely, or am I going to remain the director of my life? How has being the director of my life worked out?
Simple question: my way or God’s way. And a simple choice: if not now, when?
Real surrender is when I say: 'I don't care how I feel in the short term or medium term, even: my last, best hope is to throw my lot in entirely with God. X [insert your own name]: you're fired!', and then turn to God, action by action, moment by moment, for direction and the strength to follow the instructions that come.