'… scarce an evening passed that someone's home did not
shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and
constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. In
addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one
night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a
spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object
was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems. …
Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience, has
stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who
entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside,
who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed by those who
visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper
room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely
tallied with his own. …
The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of
intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny
understanding which these people had were irresistible. He and his wife would
leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken
acquaintance and his family. They knew they had a host of new friends; it
seemed they had known these strangers always. …
No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed
cordially—if he means business. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and
jealousies—these are laughed out of countenance. Being wrecked in the same
vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned
to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no
longer signify much to them. How could they?'
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 159
'Little clusters of twos and threes and fives of us have
sprung up in other communities, through contact with our two larger centres.
Those of us who travel drop in as often as we can. This practice enables us to
lend a hand, …
Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with
this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to
begin.
We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: 'I'm
jittery and alone. I couldn't do that.' But you can. You forget that you have
just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate,
with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness,
patience and labour.'
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 162
'Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of
contact with you who wrote this book." We cannot be sure. God will
determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon
Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know
only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in
your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.
The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot
transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him
is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.'
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 164
'It is an historical fact that practically all groupings of
men and women tend to become more dogmatic; their beliefs and practices harden
and sometimes freeze. This is a natural and almost inevitable process. All people
must, of course, rally to the call of their convictions, and we of AA are no
exception. Moreover, all people should have the right to voice their
convictions. This is good principle and good dogma. But dogma also has its
liabilities. Simply because we have convictions that work well for us, it
becomes very easy to assume that we have all the truth. Whenever this brand of
arrogance develops, we are certain to become aggressive; we demand agreement
with us; we play God. This isn't good dogma; it's very bad dogma. It could be
especially destructive for us of AA to indulge in this sort of thing.
Newcomers are approaching AA at the rate of tens of
thousands yearly. They represent almost every belief and attitude imaginable.
We have atheists and agnostics. We have people of nearly every race, culture
and religion. In AA we are supposed to be bound together in the kinship of a
common suffering. Consequently, the full individual liberty to practise any
creed or principle or therapy whatever should be a first consideration for us
all. Let us not, therefore, pressure anyone with our individual or even our
collective views. Let us instead accord each other the respect and love that is
due to every human being as he tries to make his way toward the light. Let us
always try to be inclusive rather than exclusive; let us remember that each
alcoholic among us is a member of AA, so long as he or she so declares.'
Language of the Heart, p. 333
'Let's look for a moment at a single AA member. Faith alone
does not save him. He has to act, do something. He must carry his message to others, practise
AA principles in all his affairs. Else he slips, he withers, and he dies. Look
now at an AA group. Can pure faith, mere belief in right principle and sound
tradition, make the group a going concern? Not in the least. Each AA group, as
such, must also function, do something. It must serve its appointed purpose, or
it, too, withers and falls apart.'
Language of the Heart, p. 129
'During nine years in AA I have observed that those who
follow the Alcoholics Anonymous programme with the greatest earnestness and
zeal not only maintain sobriety, but often acquire finer characteristics and
attitudes as well. One of these is tolerance. Tolerance expresses itself in a
variety of ways: in kindness and consideration toward the man or woman who is
just beginning the march along the spiritual path; in the understanding of
those who perhaps have been less fortunate in educational advantages, and in
sympathy toward those whose religious ideas may seem to be at great variance
with our own. I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its
radiating spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our
destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than
all the other spokes is true only in the sense of its being best suited to you
as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance,
each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or
perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance we might tend to become a
bit smug or superior—which of course is not helpful to the person we are trying
to help, and may be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes
to do anything which might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another—and
a patronising attitude can readily slow up this process. Tolerance furnishes,
as a by-product, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived
ideas and stubbornly adhered-to opinions. In other words it often promotes an
open-mindedness which is vastly important—in fact a prerequisite to the
successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or
spiritual. These, then, are a few of the reasons why an attempt to acquire
tolerance should be made by each one of us.'
Dr Robert Smith, co-founder of AA
'The meeting was dying.
But the two people decided they would fight to keep it alive, that they would
show up every week no matter what, and that they would study the Big Book. The
format was simple: read a couple of paragraphs, then comment on what was read.
A strange thing happened. The few people who did show up
started to come back—every week. Within a few months, attendance was close to a
dozen. After the first year the group had grown to over twenty regular
attendees.
The group became a magnet for 'Big Book thumpers'. We call
ourselves 'Fifth Traditionists' and constantly remind ourselves and each other
than the reason we are here is to help the new person find what we have
discovered through the Steps—not to glorify ourselves, not to discuss at
nauseating length our own opinions or feelings, but to give to others what has
been given to us.
Chairpersons rotate so that no one person influences a
meeting for too long. Anniversaries are regular and much celebrated
occurrences. There is a great sense of purpose and satisfaction among us. If we
could say one thing above all else, it would be that, when we followed the
directions given in the book exactly,
the newcomer recovered; when we followed the Traditions exactly, the group flourished.'
The Home Group: Heartbeat of AA, p. 66
'A fairly usual idea in some Al-Anon groups is that we
attend meetings only to hear other people's tragic stories—blow-by-blow
descriptions that we can perhaps identify with. This is one—but only one—of Al-Anon's functions. But
when the stories are a continual rehash of the alcoholic's misdeeds, nobody
learns anything except that we all go through pretty much the same experiences.
Where is the growth in that?
If I want to determine how much help a meeting can give, I
should ask myself: "How many of the people here tonight have learned
something new about applying Al-Anon principles? How many have given me a constructive
idea to take away with me and use?' That is the only measure of a truly
valuable meeting.'
One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, p. 329
'There was once an Al-Anon group that never had more than
nine members, although there were four AA groups within a couple of miles!
All but three of the nine—the three who had started the
group—changed very often. When they dropped out, the old-timers would shrug and
say: "What can you do? They just don't realise how Al-Anon could help
them."
At meetings there were usually plenty of horror stories
about what the alcoholics said and did, and detailed descriptions of
sufferings. It was all quite exciting, but nothing much happened to make the
newcomers aware of the Al-Anon programme and how they could apply it. Nobody
kept in touch between meetings, excepting, of course, the three old-timers.
Al-Anon is a programme of self-improvement. It is nourished by the friendship and concern of
all the members for each other and from discussion, in depth, of Al-Anon principles in the Twelve Steps, the Twelve Traditions,
and the slogans.
"If my life is in chaos,
I will look into myself for the cause and cure and use the Twelve Steps to
improve my shortcomings. If our group is not a living, functioning unit, we
will look for the cause and cure in our Twelve Traditions." '
One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, p. 77
'Today I know that, for unity to exist in my family or in my
group, all of us must have a voice. No one voice is more or less important than
anyone else's. I have a responsibility to listen, to share, and to accept.
Tradition One lifted the burden of control off my shoulders. I no longer had
the right to make decisions for everyone. The people in my home deserved to
make their own decisions and to be given the same respect that I desired for
myself, whether they were in recovery or not.'
Pathways to Recovery (Al-Anon), p. 139
'Tradition One meant the group could set aside time to
discuss the issues, and then we could vote. That way, no one forced the rest of
us to do anything. During our group conscience meetings, I actually saw people
disagree without getting angry. After we voted and made a decision, we held
hands and said The Serenity Prayer.
Even the people in the minority were pleasant, because they had had their say.
In the end, everyone accepted the group's decisions …
I began to understand that … I didn't need to take it
personally when we had different opinions. I could state my opinion and let go
of the results … I began to detach and not force solutions … Al-Anon taught me
that I don't always have to win or lose. Sometimes I can just participate …
Tradition One has taught me that unity does not mean
uniformity.'
Pathways to Recovery (Al-Anon), p. 140
'I do not take up too much time sharing, because Tradition
One tells me that everyone has the right to share. When I share I try to stick
to the topic, because that is how the greatest number will benefit. It is
better for me to apply a topic to my life than to dwell on my problems. I try
to share my experience, strength, and hope for the good of the group. Even if I
am in pain, I can share what I am learning from that pain, because it is part
of my experience.
I take responsibility in the group and do various jobs. I
find speakers, set up the room, chair meetings. I do not take up too much
responsibility, because it is our group, not my group. "Our common
welfare" means that everyone needs to pitch in and do their share.'
Pathways to Recovery (Al-Anon), p. 141
'Over the years, I used this story to illustrate how to make
an informed group conscience. I discovered from experience that there are at
least six possible answers to a question when it is first placed before a group.
I knew about "yes" and "no". I also recognised a couple of
other possible answers—"I don't know" and "I don't care."
It was later that I also found two further answers—"I don't want to
discuss it" and "I don't want you to discuss it." I was
able to identify several feelings around these six answers—agreement,
disagreement, ignorance, apathy, resentment, and anger…
Today, I believe the process of discussion, a review of our
literature, and a vote is a good way for our group to make decisions that just
about everyone can accept.'
Pathways to Recovery (Al-Anon), p. 149
A New Pair Of Glasses, p.
109