Al-Anon does not
prescribe how to do Step Four but offers a range of suggestions. Whatever route
is followed, lists can help clarify thinking. The Step Four questions in Paths
to Recovery essentially describe a range of virtues and a number of flaws. One
way of inventorying is to examine whether or not we are displaying the virtues,
and then to zone in on the flaws.
For those who
struggle because inventory, in picking out flaws, can threaten already fragile
self-worth, looking at the assets first can help. Of course, when looking at
assets, one discovers, straight away, one's own shortcomings in relation to
these assets, so examining assets is far from being a way of avoiding
inventory, instead leading us directly, albeit gently, to the truth.
Here are the
virtues and flaws, distilled.
Virtues
Acceptance of
what cannot be changed
Acceptance that
others are different
Acceptance that
others' needs are different than mine
Acting
responsibly
Admitting
mistakes
Agreeability
Being clear and
concise in expression
Being dependable
Being organised
Consideration
Courtesy
Creating a pleasant
environment
Doing what I
promised when I promised it
Eating healthily
Empathy with
others
Financial
prudence and budgeting
Financial
responsibility (paying bills on time)
Following a
Higher Power's guidance
Fostering
artistic or other talents
Fulfilment of
commitments
Generosity
(including in Al-Anon)
Gratitude
Helpfulness
Honesty
Humility
Kind thoughts
towards others
Kind thoughts
towards myself
Listening
Mentally turning
things over to a Higher Power
Obeying the law
Offering help
when it is asked for
Openness to
others' views
Optimism
Patience with
myself
Pointing out the
good in others
Prayer and
meditation
Seeing the good
in others
Seeking a Higher
Power's guidance
Seeking guidance
from others
Spotting
opportunities for service
Taking all of the
actions of the programme to remain well
Taking care of
medical problems
Taking care of
physical appearance
Taking care of
physical things (one's own and others)
Taking each
action to the best of my ability
Taking exercise
Tolerance
Trustworthiness
Volunteering for
service in Al-Anon
Flaws
Doing for others
what they can and should do for themselves
Feeling
responsible for what is beyond my control
Getting upset
when I don't get my own way
Holding others to
excessively high standards
Holding ourselves
to excessively high standards
Inappropriate
secrecy
Lying to avoid
tension or conflict
Manipulation
(using covert means to get my own way)
Martyrdom
Mental judgement
of others
Not removing
myself from dangerous or otherwise harmful situations
Self-pity
Taking on
responsibilities that are not mine
Try to fix things
that are none of my business
Trying to be in
charge when it is not appropriate
Voiced criticism