Q: I am confused: I don't know whether I want to drink or not. What do I do?
A: If you have a drinking history bad enough to warrant considering stopping drinking for good and for all, then you're not experiencing confusion in the sense of not knowing which option is 'right'. This is clear because, when asked if any of your alcoholic friends would be better off drunk, the answer is almost invariably 'no'. So this is not a question of right or wrong.
You're experiencing a battle between the higher Self, which wants to live and live well, and a childish lower self that wants a little treat now, and to hell with the consequences.
Be aware that a person cannot win this one by argument, because the childish lower self is smart and deceitful, and the person (you and me!) is foolish, gullible, and driven by emotion, and this is a deadly combination.
This is more about choice and decision. Do I want to side with the higher Self or the lower self?
THAT answer, now, should be obvious. If the answer is the former, a decision must be made: to trust that right action suggested by those who are doing better than you will eventually resolve the tension, causing the lower childish self to fade away. The belief that it will work for you is a no-brainer: the fact it worked for them means it will work for you. That decision must then be followed by action.
The action is to follow a plan for the day agreed with a sponsor or other advisor, in which all of the time is somehow accounted for.
Meanwhile, mentally, pray to remain present in the scheduled activity and to refrain from examining bigger questions.
In particular, once you have chosen to live, to trust this will work, and to implement it, those three questions are now permanently closed. When a decision is made, a rational person does not revisit the decision every five minutes. He gives the plan a chance to work, and then reviews based on long-term results.
So give it a year, and THEN see if it was the right decision.
You're experiencing a battle between the higher Self, which wants to live and live well, and a childish lower self that wants a little treat now, and to hell with the consequences.
Be aware that a person cannot win this one by argument, because the childish lower self is smart and deceitful, and the person (you and me!) is foolish, gullible, and driven by emotion, and this is a deadly combination.
This is more about choice and decision. Do I want to side with the higher Self or the lower self?
THAT answer, now, should be obvious. If the answer is the former, a decision must be made: to trust that right action suggested by those who are doing better than you will eventually resolve the tension, causing the lower childish self to fade away. The belief that it will work for you is a no-brainer: the fact it worked for them means it will work for you. That decision must then be followed by action.
The action is to follow a plan for the day agreed with a sponsor or other advisor, in which all of the time is somehow accounted for.
Meanwhile, mentally, pray to remain present in the scheduled activity and to refrain from examining bigger questions.
In particular, once you have chosen to live, to trust this will work, and to implement it, those three questions are now permanently closed. When a decision is made, a rational person does not revisit the decision every five minutes. He gives the plan a chance to work, and then reviews based on long-term results.
So give it a year, and THEN see if it was the right decision.