When I'm having a horrible time, it is my attitudes, thinking, and
behaviour that need to change. That means: yes, I'm wrong in my current
attitudes, thinking, and behaviour.
I wanted, at one
time, to keep my old attitudes, thinking, and behaviour, but get different
results.
You have to pick
what results you want in AA. If you want the results of the programme, it's
going to require admitting that you currently suck at life and need a different
approach.
Today, when I'm
suffering, the first thing I need to realise is that I'm creating it, so I had
better hope I am indeed wrong.
AA is not there to
reinforce my perceptions, particularly the victimhood that others are responsible
for how I feel, but to empower me to see how I have been creating my own
unhappiness in response to the actions or inaction of others.
Anyone who tries to
support me by reinforcing my perception of reality and response to it looks
like they're helping but they're not.
I had to choose:
the relief of having others countersign my victimhood, or recovery, which
involves getting to where I am at fault and how I need to change.
Some people want
relief, not recovery. I invite anyone who wants to recover, for good and for
all, to embrace the rejection of modes of thinking and behaviour that do not
work and to remember that we are here to support each other in achieving
freedom from the ego, not to support each other's egos. As my sponsor
says: my ego is not my amigo.