Wednesday, 3 September 2014
But people are not supporting me! They're just telling me I'm wrong!
When I'm having a horrible time, it is my attitudes, thinking, and behaviour that need to change. That means: yes, I'm wrong in my current attitudes, thinking, and behaviour.
I wanted, at one time, to keep my old attitudes, thinking, and behaviour, but get different results.
You have to pick what results you want in AA. If you want the results of the programme, it's going to require admitting that you currently suck at life and need a different approach.
Today, when I'm suffering, the first thing I need to realise is that I'm creating it, so I had better hope I am indeed wrong.
AA is not there to reinforce my perceptions, particularly the victimhood that others are responsible for how I feel, but to empower me to see how I have been creating my own unhappiness in response to the actions or inaction of others.
Anyone who tries to support me by reinforcing my perception of reality and response to it looks like they're helping but they're not.
I had to choose: the relief of having others countersign my victimhood, or recovery, which involves getting to where I am at fault and how I need to change.
Some people want relief, not recovery. I invite anyone who wants to recover, for good and for all, to embrace the rejection of modes of thinking and behaviour that do not work and to remember that we are here to support each other in achieving freedom from the ego, not to support each other's egos. As my sponsor says: my ego is not my amigo.