There is more to Al-Anon than listing 'his' faults and recruiting sympathy and identification with my judgements, perplexity, and rage.
For me, Al-Anon is about recognising that, whenever I am blaming, I am distracting from the fact that I am the creator of both my life and my responses.
I having learned not only that I did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure 'his' alcoholism, but that he did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure my maladjustment to life.
He did not cause my upset; he does not determine its course; and he, or some fantasy version of him, is not the cure to my problems.
I have learned that, by accepting I am not to blame for his alcoholism or recovery, I am free to stay or leave.
I have learned that there are seven billion people on the planet and that, if I do not care for the life I have, God has endless other opportunities and channels available for providing His love to me.
I release him. And thereby, myself.
For me, Al-Anon is about recognising that, whenever I am blaming, I am distracting from the fact that I am the creator of both my life and my responses.
I having learned not only that I did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure 'his' alcoholism, but that he did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure my maladjustment to life.
He did not cause my upset; he does not determine its course; and he, or some fantasy version of him, is not the cure to my problems.
I have learned that, by accepting I am not to blame for his alcoholism or recovery, I am free to stay or leave.
I have learned that there are seven billion people on the planet and that, if I do not care for the life I have, God has endless other opportunities and channels available for providing His love to me.
I release him. And thereby, myself.