Monday, 26 May 2014

Step One in Al-Anon

Do I try to control whether someone drinks or uses or how much they drink or use?
Do I have plans for those around me?
Do I take actions to try to realise those plans?
Does this work?
When people comply/do not comply, how does this affect them? Me? The relationship?
Do I inappropriately use explicit or implicit threats to get my own way?
Do I inappropriately use force to get my own way?
Do I inappropriately punish to get my own way?
Do I nag?
Do I engage in management, mothering, martyrdom, and manipulation?
Do I feel responsibility, guilt, shame, or embarrassment on behalf of other people?
Do I enter or remain in situations which are not in my best interests (materially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, sexually) because of fear or guilt?
Do I think about someone else's behaviour, thinking, and emotional life longer than necessary to plan my own actions?
Do I resent, criticise, shame, gossip about, or try to change people merely because they are different?
Do I opt for guilt and blame over the recognition that I am or others are powerless?
Do I try to eliminate or mask others' or my own problems with quick fixes?
Do my emotions depend on the words, actions, silence, or inaction of others?
Do I use others' words, actions, silence, or inaction as a measure of my worth?
Do I overcommit and underperform?
Do I overreact to minor setbacks?
Do I manufacture or exaggerate perceived threats or risks?
When someone asks for help, do I feel a mixture of excitement and dread?
Do I override instincts of self-preservation?

Wrap-up questions:

Do I recognise that I am powerless over whether someone drinks, how much they drink, and what they do, sober or drunk?
Do I recognise that, even when others are complying, I am still not in control, as I cannot control whether and when they comply?
Do I recognise that, when my actions, thoughts, and emotions depend on the actions, words, silence, and inaction of others, I am not managing my life; they are?
Is my life a mess, materially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, sexually?

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