The book Alcoholics Anonymous helps to distinguish. Around the bottom of page 20, top of page 21 is a section that distinguishes between the moderate drinker, the certain type of hard drinker, and the real alcoholic.
It should be noted that the hard drinker and the real
alcoholic look pretty similar when they are drinking (messy, sloppy, a little
bit out of control!), drink far too much, and cause major consequences, which
could kill them.
There are two differences, however. Your two diagnostic
criteria are:
(1) When they have a sufficiently strong reason (impending
or actual destruction of career, marriage, etc.), do they stop (albeit
requiring help), or do they invariably start again, to the bafflement of
everyone around them and despite their previous good resolve?
(2) When they have the first drink, do they trigger a
personality change, and an unstoppable juggernaut of out-of-control drinking,
pretty much every time they drink?
I have met many people who have stopped drinking for good or
cut down, because they decided to. If you can stop altogether, a peculiar
reaction when you drink becomes irrelevant, because drinking ain't gonna
happen.
I have also met people who cannot stop but do not get the
peculiar reaction when they drink. They are a bit of a nuisance and always a
bit merry or a bit morose when you meet them in the evening, three sheets to
the wind, but essentially everyone else can work around it, as they can CHOOSE
when they are going to go on a real bender and when they are going to keep a
lid on it.
No, the real alcoholic has to have both components to
qualify.
Cf. page 44 of the Big Book ('Alcoholics Anonymous'):
'We hope we have made clear the distinction between the
alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you
cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the
amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be
suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.'
The interesting feature is that when the alcoholic is of the
'start-again-no-matter-what' type, this is because the drinking is not the
problem—it is the solution to the underlying profound separation from the true
self, from others, and from God. Until this is sorted out, they WILL drink
again.
Cf.
'Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis
depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose
whether he will drink or not.' (Page 34.)
Footnote: in certain parts of the world, everyone who
suffers consequences from drinking or drinks even a little too much is herded
into AA. Many such people are perfectly capable of staying sober without having
a spiritual awakening. A bit of re-education and re-socialisation is perfectly
sufficient. They do about 10% of what AA has to offer but stay bafflingly
sober.
The problem comes when such people are confronted with an
alcoholic of the 'start-again-no-matter-what' type: they just cannot understand
why their 10% does not work with this baffling newcomer.
They say 'do not drink, not matter what', believing that the
instructions of other people and willpower are sufficient to stay sober. They
do believe this, as such instructions and such willpower were sufficient for
them. They can then get angry with people who drink again, saying, 'he
obviously does not want it enough'.
No, it is important to find someone in AA, therefore, who
qualifies for AA the way you do, or you may get advice which works for them but
will not work for you.