What the Book says
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My experience
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On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours
ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to
direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity,
dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our
mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our
thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is
cleared of wrong motives.
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I have to trust that if I pray for my thinking
to be directed, it will be, or at least it will be more likely that my
thinking is actually inspired by God.
The
three things my thinking must be divorced from:
· Self-pity—upset because things
haven't gone my way.
· Self-seeking motives—wanting things
to go my way.
· Dishonest motives—secretly wanting
things to go my way.
Essentially, I need to drop my way and ask for
God's way instead.
I do this, because my way tends to involve
getting enough money, sex, power, prestige, comfort, thrills, and looks to
fill a gap in me that is there only in my perception. That is why they do not
work—they cannot fill the gap, because the gap is not there. I have seen
sufficiently, now, that the chase is painful, the frustration of failure in
painful, and, after a moment's satisfaction, success is disillusioning and
disappointing.
I would rather be quiet and serve, which is why
I practice Step Eleven. This gives me all that my plan promised—but never consistently
delivered.
Once my thinking is straightened out, I plan the
day.
It is important to remember that God's will is
nothing fancy or abstract—it's a list of things to do and an attitude to take
towards all such things.
As for God's will as regards my mind: my
thoughts must be in the here and now (unless I am legitimately planning for
the future or analysing the past solely to work out what to do differently in
the future), for it is only there God may be found.
In brief, Step Eleven requires that I generate a
plan for the day.
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In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may
not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for
inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy.
We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we
have tried this for a while.
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This means what it says. It took years in recovery
to discover I do not have to work anything out; I need only ask, namely for
three things: inspiration (spirit), an intuitive thought (mind), or a decision
(action). Spirit comes first—the spirit must be one that embodies the Step
Three decision: staying close to God and performing His work well (i.e.
serving God by serving others, which means helping the rest of God's kids get
their heart's desire).
We relax and take it easy—these are
instructions. I am enjoined not to be tense and fretful, not to rush, not to
impose unnatural stresses, artificial timetables, and unnecessary goals on
myself.
If I struggle, again, I ask; in fact, I need
only ever ask; a demand is never necessary, and the application of muscle
will not bring about the needed result.
If I am given peace it is because I have decided
I want peace—which is my inheritance—above all else. If it is truly wanted,
it is instantly given, because it is already there. The miracle only is that
the block to sight is removed, and the peace that is always with me and
available to me becomes manifest.
If I am not at peace, I am in illusion. I cannot
strip myself of illusions easily but I can realise I do not want what I have
and want to see the world a different way.
When I decide I want to relax, I can ask myself:
is anything bad happening right now? There never is. If I think it is bad, I
must ask whether it is really happening and whether it is really bad. What is
happening right now? The shuffling of the neighbours across the floor, the
distant drone of traffic … and me sitting in silence. That is what is
happening. Even physical pain can be bearable if I remove my judgement from
it.
So: relax.
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What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration
gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and
having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are
going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all
sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking
will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come
to rely upon it.
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For me to do wrong I must decide to do wrong.
Whom do I decide with? God speaking through those around me whose lives are
functioning smoothly and happily? Or fear, guilt, and anger? I cannot decide
alone: whatever I decide with will ultimately dictate the results.
I check out major decisions and even a number of
minor ones with others—people I trust: people who rely on God and who are
cheerful, practical, and non-hysterical.
If I am disturbed it is likely I have made the
decision with the wrong counsel (fear, guilt, or anger: not trust in God) or
have sought counsel from two sources: both God and fear; and am now confused.
I need merely remember I answered the wrong
question ('how do I remove the fear or guilt?' 'How do I avenge the anger?')—I
must forget the question and ask instead: God, what would you have me do? How
I can serve You today?
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We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer
that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be
given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for
freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves
only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are
careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot
of time doing that and it doesn’t work. You can easily see why.
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Meditation—in the language of the Big Book—means
concentrated thought, specifically about what happened over the previous 24
hours and what needs correcting, and about what I am going to do over the
next 24 hours.
I can take only one action at a time. I need
know for sure only what the next action is. Does that not make life simpler?
I stick to praying for three things: power,
direction, and the good of all.
What is good for me is good for you. What is
good for you is good for me. What is bad for you is bad for me. What is bad
for you me is bad for you.
Appearances in this regard may deceive, and
elements of good or bad may be delayed for a long time. Sometimes doing what
is right will cause immediate pain, but that can be the cost of long-term
benefit.
Recovery can be painful; relief is always
instant. But relief is sometimes the enemy of recovery.
Praying for the good of all is always,
therefore, the safest bet.
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If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to
join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which
requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members
of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which
emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful
books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one’s priest,
minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make
use of what they offer.
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If I am to grow spiritually for the rest of my
life, I need the direction of those who have gone before me. I would be a
fool to disregard such people, particularly since they took the trouble to
write down their discoveries and experience.
Books I have found particularly useful:
One Day At A Time In Al-Anon
Anthony de Mello—The Way To Love, Awareness, the
Song of the Bird, and Walking on Water (plus other works)
Anything by Rabbis Lionel Blue and Jonathan
Magonet
Writings of Bill Johnson
Writings of Joyce Meyer
Writings of Paul Coutinho
Writings of Rabbi Harold S. Kushner
Writings of C. S. Lewis
The teachings of Menachem Mendel Schneerson,
compiled by Tzvi Freeman
Anything by Charlotte Joko Beck
Anything by Andrew Murray
Anything by Emmet Fox
A Course In Miracles
The sermons of Charles H. Spurgeon
Hazelden: 'In God's Care'
Tales of the Hasidim by Martin Buber
365 Tao
The life of Saint Teresa of Ávila, by herself
I am sure the list will grow over time.
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As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or
doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind
ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many
times each day 'Thy will be done.' We are then in much less danger of
excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become
much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up
energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit
ourselves.
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Two things to watch for: agitation and doubt.
Two things to ask for: thought or action = direction
and power = sat. nav. and fuel.
Whose will? God's will: then relax, because
you'll be happier with God's will than that of your ego (and agitation and
doubt are both signs that the ego is muscling in).
Regarding efficiency: I should not be able to
get done in my life what gets done. I will not list everything here, in part
because in any case the achievement is God's, not mine; save to say, my
schedule and the result do not add up, in purely human terms. And that is the
problem: the wasted years of my earlier life (wasted first through drinking
and then through my energy being haemorrhaged by fretting) were purely in
human terms. Relaxing into God's power has released an energy I did not know
was within me and presumably, therefore, is within everyone.
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It works—it really does.
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Quite.
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We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline
us in the simple way we have just outlined.
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Human discipline never works—at least, not for
long. My discipline never works—at least, not for long.
Submission to God—like diving into a swimming pool
or down a water slide—will discipline me better than I can myself.
And submission to God is infinite: you never
touch the bottom. There is always infinity ahead, whatever is added to behind;
infinity plus one is still infinity.
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