Monday, 16 July 2012

Worry is temporary atheism.

I've met a lot of atheists who worry a lot. Hell, I've been a lot of atheists who worry a lot.

When I worry, I'm saying that a future event will bring me a set of emotional experiences I do not want or cannot face.

Sometimes it is just childishness, and demanding that everything be permanently nice and that I not be exposed to legitimate pain.

More often than not, however, I have based my happiness and identity on shifting sands, things of the world that will come and go and cannot be controlled: sex, money, power, prestige, comfort, thrills, and looks.

There is no way of relying on these things (extensions of self, hence reliance on self) and not being frightened, unless you're psychotic or otherwise delusional.

If I rely on God for my identity (just being one of God's kids, not having my identity reliant on anything external, cf. Tradition Six) and my life's work is simply to carry the message of AA by demonstrating what God can do through me, with everything that comes to me a bonus, there is no way of failing, as any day on which I make an honest effort is a good day.

I've not found it inevitable that really bad things cause misery: when my father died, there was pain, but there was also joy at what his life had been. I didn't suffer because of my emotions or resent them. When I was faced with a potential 6-figure law suit, once the programme kicked in, I sailed through the experience without it touching the sides, because I knew it couldn't take away what mattered, which was the love for the people in my life.

When I rely on God, I know that anything can be gotten through with poise and grace, and that the negative feelings will be just a tiny part of a much greater whole. There really is nothing to worry about.

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