"16 And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life? 17 And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. 18 He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, 19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 20 The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet? 21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. 22 But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions. 23 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. 24 And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. 25 When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved? 26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." (St. Matthew)
"We must realize that, if God withholds the waters of grace, no work is enough. We must consider ourselves as nothing, or less than nothing. In this way, great humility is gained, and then the flowers begin to grow again." (St Teresa of Àvila)
"This programme is not mechanical; you cannot just click the heels of your ruby slippers three times and hope to find yourself back in Kansas." (Bob B.)
Living inside all three sides of the triangle—recovery through the Twelve Steps, fellowship of the common peril and common solution, and service to God through work and self-sacrifice for others—is like the ingredients of a soup. Without heat—without power—all you have is cold, hard ingredients.
I've tried treating the programme as a set of mechanical actions and found myself despairing that I was not getting the results I wanted—power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction. This is the 'eternal life' described in verse 16. 'Eternity is now,' would say Sister Ignatia. But I remained trapped in the past and the future, in resentment, guilt & shame, and fear. And no one could understand it because I was 'doing everything right'.
I've tried treating the programme as a set of mechanical actions and found myself drunk. As I said to the police officer who arrested me on my last relapse in 1993, 'I did everything they told me in AA, and it doesn't work'.
It does not matter how much I work on the garden, without rain, nothing will grow, and I will end up with a desert.
Conversely, it does not matter how much rain there is, if there is no work, I will end up with a jungle.
Both work and grace are required.
St Teresa talks about the necessity of humility—putting God in the place of self as the centre and objective of our life, or of some department thereof, and recognising our status as creatures, dependent on God for our existence, and placed by him in a specific relationship to the rest of his creation.
"I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost." (13:1)
"Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works." (12x12, 77:0, UK hardback edition)
The nothingness is not the nothingness of low self-worth. It is the recognition, firstly, that the dance is nothing without the dancer, the wave is nothing without the ocean, the song is nothing without the singer. Me and God—not two, not one.
As important as this is the understanding that the gift of grace—the granted power to choose God over self—requires that my hands be empty. That the camel groaning with earthly treasures cannot enter the narrow gate into Jerusalem until its treasures are unloaded.
And these earthly treasures are not physical but metaphysical—ideas, emotions, attitudes, conceptions, and motives (27:4). Unless I am divested of these, I will never get into Jerusalem, I will never have eternal life, I will never stay sober, I will never be relieved of the pain of resentment, guilty & shame, and fear. Unless I am able to receive grace, the garden will never grow, because it will lack the necessary water, whatever work I do.
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." (58:3)
"But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out the window." (42:2)
What is the cargo on the camel's back? What ideas, emotions, attitudes, conceptions, and motives am I holding onto?
Some recent ideas I have had to discard—or be willing to discard—because my score cards were reading zero (12x12, 29:2, UK hardback edition):
That I have the right to judge or measure anyone or anything including myself.
That I can control the course of my own Twelfth-Step work—and be effective—through intelligence, experience, and ability alone.
That I can afford resentment about my perception of AA.
That drinking again is not the path that some alcoholics needs to follow to reach surrender.
That action without faith is enough.
That faith without action is enough.
I cannot discard these ideas as an act of the will; with God, however, all things are possible.
What lifelong conception are you going to throw out of the window today?