"If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer." (87:2—'Alcoholics Anonymous')
The purpose of the first nine Steps is to clear the way so that I can truly begin the journey of developing and strengthening my relationship with God (aka a 'power greater than myself'). A glance at the shelves of libraries containing books on religion reveals that this is not a straightforward matter in practice, regardless of the simplicity of the underlying idea ("Abandon yourself to God as you understand God." (164:2))
There are two options:
(1) reject everything that women and men of religion have said over the last few thousand years on the grounds that what they are writing about is 'religion' and what I am interested in is 'spirituality' and find my own way;
Or
(2) make use of what they offer.
Beating my own path to God seems lovely as an idea. When I see the trouble people throughout history have had even ~with~ huge amounts of guidance, I would be an utter fool to try it in practice. True, I may have whatever concept of a Higher Power I like. "Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him." (46:2) This does not mean, however, that I must necessarily disregard the ideas, practices, and teachings of those with other conceptions.
I have spent many years attempting Step Eleven with reference only to the relatively sparse material on the matter available in AA literature itself. The material on pages 86–88 is amazing and life-changing. But it gives me merely a starting point. As my life expands and grows, I need an increasingly strong relationship with God to access the strength, inspiration, and direction (85:2) necessary to take care of the problems that present themselves (87:1). My own attempts failed, and I became disillusioned with Step Eleven.
I rejected whole religions and everything their writers, thinkers, and speakers, theologians, philosophers, and practitioners had to offer, on the basis that I disagreed with this particular doctrine, that particular attitude, or the other particular practice.
I particularly suffered from "outgroup homogeneity bias", where I would see groups I did not belong to (e.g. Christians) as a homogeneous entity whilst seeing groups that I do belong to (e.g. AA) as enormously diverse. Some Christian groups would proclaim that I was going to hell because of my sexuality. So I rejected all Christian thought over the last two thousand years.
I thus rejected writers I had not read on the grounds that they were Christian. This is the unreasoning prejudice talked about on p. 48:0 of the Big Book. Ignorance combined with arrogance: "no Christians have anything to offer, because I disagree with some of them on certain matters." And my primary complaint was that Christians were bigoted and prejudiced against all sorts of other groups they disagreed with! As in the words of Ernest Holmes, "Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it." I saw in others only what I was myself: sensitive, obstinate, touchy, unreasoningly prejudiced, and bristling with antagonism (48:0).
Now, I still disagree with certain religious figures or groups on certain matters. Funnily enough, I am right there with men of religion. Is there disagreement ~within~ the Catholic Church on precisely the matters I take issue with? Yes! Is there disagreement within Orthodox Judaism on precisely the matters I take issue with? Oh, boy, yes! Have some of the greatest Catholic and Jewish writers (to take but two religions) themselves been the subject of ridicule and ostracism within their respective faith communities? Absolutely!
The more I examine my prejudice and the consequence—banishing myself from the very wisdom that could help me—the more ridiculous it appears.
There are many paths up the mountain, it is true. Every religion is a donkey that can be used to carry people up the mountain.
My previous attitude can be described as this:
Firstly, I find imperfections in the donkeys. They get people up mountains, alright, but they're not to my liking. Their paraphernalia, bad breath, and unseemly habits I find offputting.
Secondly, I observe that certain wicked people ride donkeys alongside goodhearted women and men of religion. So I blame not the person but the donkey. As if the donkey were to blame for who rides it or how!
Thirdly, because there are wicked people riding imperfect donkeys up the mountain, I reject the mountain as unworthy of my attention.
So I rejected God or even a Higher Power as an asinine figment of fevered minds.
I now take a different attitude.
The donkeys, I can now see, are just donkeys. I have heard interpretations of certain Biblical passages that turn my stomach; I have heard interpretations of the same passages by other interpreters which have opened my heart, changed my life, and brought me closer to God and to my fellow man. It is not the donkey that matters but the way it is ridden.
As in Tradition Eleven ("attraction rather than promotion"), I need to look for people who, in their search for and development of a relationship with God, have found "a degree of stability, happiness, and usefulness" (49:2) I wish to seek myself. There are indeed hate-filled men and women of religion. They do not have what I want. So I ignore their conceptions. Instead, I look for people who have God in their lives and do indeed have what I want ("power, peace, happiness and sense of direction" (50:3)) and ask them what resources they use. And I have been led in many wonderful directions.
Over the years in AA, I have benefited from Chassidic and various Orthodox and Liberal/Reform Jewish writers, a Sufi poet, Taoist writings, American Zen, and a whole range of Christian writers, from Teilhard de Chardin and Anthony de Mello (both frowned on by the Vatican) to the rather more mainstream Teresa of Àvila, plus the likes of Emmet Fox and Charles H. Spurgeon.
Do I believe that Menachem Mendel Schneerson was the Messiah? Nope. Does that affect whether or not I can make use of and learn from those principles he discusses that are in tune with the principles of the AA programme? Not one bit!
Do I believe that evolution explains the variety of life on Earth (as opposed to a week-long act of Creation by God)? Yes! Do I believe in the Graf Wellhausen hypothesis for how the Bible came to be written? Absolutely!
Does that stop me reading Charles H. Spurgeon on matters of faith and carrying the message? Not for a moment! Spurgeon, however, was a creationist who raged against both Darwin and Wellhausen.
If I insisted on reading only those writers whose doctrines mirrored mine in every last detail, my life would be very small indeed and I would probably be drunk, because pages 86–88 of the Big Book do not provide me with sufficient material for a lifetime of Step Eleven.
The more my mind has opened, the more my mind has opened.
The word prejudice is used seven times in We Agnostics:
"We know how he feels. We have shared his honest doubt and prejudice." (45:3)
"We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God." (46:1)
"Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you." (47:1)
"Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasonable prejudice." (48:0)
". . . we hope no one else will be prejudiced for as long as some of us were." (48:0)
"We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion." (49:2)
"If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway." (55:3)
This emphasis on the necessity of setting aside prejudice is not by accident, because, as indicated in Appendix II, the principle that will keep me in everlasting ignorance is contempt prior to investigation.
The Traditions can help in clearing away this prejudice:
(1) Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.
Unity: I look for the commonality between my search for an ever deeper and stronger relationship with God and the experience of others who have journeyed down the same path. I look for the similarities, not the differences.
(5) Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
My primary purpose is to help others by deepening my relationship with God. If religious material helps, it would be a crime for me to reject it on doctrinal or sectarian grounds. With that purpose in mind, I am directed towards what furthers that purpose in a spirit that fosters progress.
(10) Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
When I read writers of religions I do not belong to, matters that lie beyond my immediate purpose—seeking God's will for me and the power to carry that out—are outside issues and not my concern.
(11) Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.
Do I find the principles attractive? Do these writers have, in spiritual terms, what I want? Do they expand my consciousness? Or do they limit it with division, judgement, and anger?
(12) Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
I'm currently reading some Teresa of Àvila. She has some marvellous experience and advice on the matter of prayer. She's also extremely hard on herself. I would not, perhaps, want to go on an extended holiday with her. I imagine she would be rather hard work. But I'm happy to spend time with her discussions of prayer if I focus on the principles she is discussing and set aside her personality.
Above all, I'm an alcoholic who needs help and an alcoholic who will be helped only if he helps others. Whatever helps me to help others I will grab with both hands. Ultimately, as with everything else in AA, my own spiritual bankruptcy was what broke me down and made me willing to listen. I hope this process is not as tedious for you as it was for me!