I struggled to identify with the lurid stories in the Big Book and in meetings, especially Bill’s Story. I fell back on the textbook definition of alcoholism (on page 21):
“If a sufficiently strong reason—ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor—becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.”
Here’s how I diagnose myself:
- Did I have sufficiently strong reason to stop or moderate (i.e. bad consequences)? Yes.
- Did I moderate? No.
- Did I stop? No.
- Did I overshoot when I was drinking? Yes. From 14.
Diagnosis: alcoholic. From 14!
The Twelve and Twelve bears this out:
“Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage began to recognise their alcoholism. … By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.”
In other words, alcoholism is measured by compulsion, not consequences.
If the brakes don’t work, the brakes don’t work. One doesn’t have to have hit anything.