“Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn’t hurt me on a full stomach.” (Page 36, Big Book)
Jim’s having a perfectly ordinary day. He then ‘suddenly’
has this thought. In other words, there are no prior thoughts of which he is
aware. However, the proposition is not an opening gambit. It is a response to
the tacit proposition, ‘whiskey will hurt me’. No one would say, ‘Don’t worry,
I have a torch’ unless there were a dark passageway ahead, and someone had
proposed walking down it. The real question, therefore, is why there is the
tacit proposition, ‘whiskey will hurt me’. The reason is because the impulse to
drink has arisen. The impulse has arisen, but he is not aware of it. His
defence system has been activated and said, ‘whiskey will hurt me’. He is not
aware of this either. He is only aware of the response to the defence, namely
‘it couldn’t hurt me on a full stomach’. In other words, the first thought that
crosses his conscious mind is not the first thought he has had. He has had two
prior thoughts: (1) I want to drink whiskey and (2) whiskey will hurt me. He is
merely unaware of these.
In other words, the decision to drink has been made before
we are aware it has been made.
It is already too late.
The perception of reality is then warped to eliminate the
defence.
And we drink.