1 June 2026: Abandoned
“To others, the word “God” brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood. Perhaps we rejected this particular conception because it seemed inadequate. With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely.” (Page 45, Big Book)
“If we would gain any real advantage in the use of this Step on problems other than alcohol, we shall need to make a brand new venture into open-mindedness.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 68)
For a long time, I did not believe in God. That appeared to be a statement about God. But really it is a statement about me and my belief. I didn’t believe in God, but I did believe in the person who was making the statement. I was sure I know who the ‘I’ was, that the ‘I’ in question was capable of addressing such questions, and that the ‘I’ had reliably answered this question. But was my belief in my existence, my capability, and my accomplishment valid? When one starts to address the question of who or what the ‘I’ is, one runs into trouble. Is one one’s body, one’s formative influences, one’s upbringing, one’s thoughts, one’s ability to observe one’s thoughts? As soon as one addresses these questions, it becomes unclear who is actually making the statement about the existence or non-existence of God. Was it really me who did not believe in God or was that the received wisdom of my background, class, and education, the simple view adopted arbitrarily by listening to this or that person? I, after all, had not generated the thoughts supporting the conclusion that God did not exist but I had merely chosen this commentator rather than that commentator. On what basis had I made that choice?
I thought I was open-minded but in truth I had unwittingly and involuntarily painted myself into a witless corner.
I moved from witless to witness and started to observe the actual facts around me in AA and my own experience.
This entirely different approach swiftly brought me to a firm belief in the existence and power of God.