“Are we justified in getting angry at a person in an alcoholic fog?” (ODAT, 15 April)
I usually don’t realise I’m angry until it’s too late: it’s more likely to come out not as actual rage but tension in the voice, pointed pauses, allowing a tone of impatience or exasperation, exaggerated simplification or over-explanation.
Of course, these are probably better than outright attack, but not much. And maybe not even that. At least overt anger has the merit of simplicity and candour, no subterfuge, no disguise.
In any case, when I adjust my expectations to my experience of life and others, I can be patient and cheerful. Better not to develop anger in the first place than to can it or have to extract it like a bad tooth.