“When he found that the other twelve members were women, he felt a little silly and decided his problem couldn’t be like theirs, so he stayed away and kept on trying to solve it by using the same old weapons that had never worked.” (ODAT, 19 April)
Recovery soon stripped me of a conceit I had developed. I had thought that who I was was defined by my age, social demographic, background, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, tastes in music, political orientation, and so on. These were my identity or identities. I thought that they said something about me. They in fact said nothing of any significance.
How did recovery teach me this?
I found myself identifying with people in meetings without regard to any of the items on the above list. I discovered that whether I have something in common with someone depends on shared experiences, shared thoughts.
I identified most with a middle-aged housewife from Raynes Park. This did not mean I was not a 21-year-old male or that I, too, was in reality a middle-aged housewife from Raynes Park. It meant that outward appearance and inward reality have little to do with each other.