“every problem loomed so large that I was overwhelmed by it” (ODAT, 11 March)
Funnily enough, problems looked big because my perception of myself was too small.
I did not realise I was playing a far larger role in my life than I thought.
I was the co-creator of every situation I found myself in.
My victimhood looked like humility, but my perception of myself as a being without agency, at the mercy of a cruel world, which held the keys to my life, was an egoic distortion. In minimising my responsibility for my life I was elaborating my role as pitiful, helpless creature, centre-stage, garnering everyone’s sympathy.
In growing up and taking responsibility, I saw that my problems were smaller because I was larger.