“She stopped involving herself in his disasters” (ODAT, 19 February)
Urgent phone calls are usually invitations for me to become involved in someone else’s disaster.
Usually best to let it cool down. Almost nothing’s an emergency.
And if it is, they need an emergency service, not me.
When I try to help someone with problems, everything goes well until it doesn’t.
Then I discover myself the latest addition to their list of problems.
I wasn’t the first, and I won’t be last to fail them.
The system is designed to fail: failure is the payoff.
Their disasters come from within, and so the solution, too, comes from within.
If they’re hungry, I’m not the sandwich.
If they’re cold, I’m not the sweater.
You can show people how to cook or knit, but ignorance is rarely the problem.
The only thing I can do with some people, some of the time, is carry the message.
This means: set out the principles, demonstrate application, then let it go at that.