Emotional sobriety is great and desirable. But do we need special workbooks and workshops? When I work the Steps as laid out in the Big Book, I find myself emotionally sober. Special processes imply the Steps don’t work. They do work.
Bill coined or at least popularised the phrase ‘emotional
sobriety’ in his essay ‘The Next Frontier’. The essay is very good and seeks to
solve the problem of depression and the ‘emotional merry-go-round’. He presents
this, however, as new territory, a way to solve a problem left unsolved by AA
up until this point: the very title suggests that he is breaking new ground.
Now, for the symptoms of ‘depression’ and the ‘emotional
merry-go-round, he identifies newly discovered causes: ‘urges for top approval,
perfect security, and perfect romance’, ‘demanding the impossible’, ‘dependence
… on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like’,
‘perfectionist dreams and specifications’, ‘a demand for the possession and
control of the people and the conditions surrounding me’.
These are not new, though. Once we have decided to work the
programme, we are given the first line of the programme (page 60 of the Big
Book, written back in 1939:
“The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success.”
In other words, self-will is the problem. What is self-will?
Willing things for oneself. Every aspect of the urges, the demands, the
dependence, the dreams, and specifications is reducible to self-will. Bill, in
his essay, has effectively rediscovered the first line of the programme written
back in 1939: any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Except he does
not make the connection; he does not realise he has rediscovered a lesson he
had revealed to the world back in 1939 but has failed to put into practice and
has actually forgotten.
On the subject of dependence, this is not new, either. The
book is replete with advice to depend on God not the world, not to rely on self
but to rely on God:
“dependence upon a Power beyond ourselves” (Page 46)
“a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe” (Page 52)
“Neither is reason, as most of us use it, entirely dependable, though it emanate from our best minds.” (Page 55)
“Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?” (Page 62)
“We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?” (Page 68)
“For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God.” (Page 68)
“depending upon our Creator” (Page 68)
“Job or no job—wife or no wife—we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.” (Page 98)
“Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon.” (Page 99)
“so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him” (Page 164)
In other words, the whole basis of the programme is
predicated on the idea of recognising the false dependence (reliance) on self
and switching to right dependence (reliance) on God.
Now, the solution he presents is fourfold:
1. ‘How shall our unconscious—from which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream—be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want!’
2. ‘How to convince our dumb, raging, and hidden “Mr Hyde” becomes our main task.’
3. ‘Exert every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed, upon any set of circumstances whatsoever.’
4. ‘Offering love to others regardless of the return to me … giving without any demand for a return’.
To sum up:
1. Work on the unconscious.
2. Argue with the ego and win.
3. Exert willpower.
4. Love others unconditionally.
He offers no method for 1. He offers no method for 2. He
offers no method for 3. Let’s disregard those.
4 is great, but, again, this not a discovery, and he does
not supply a method. From the book he wrote in 1939:
“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” (Page 20)
“Both of you will awaken to a new sense of responsibility for others. You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out.” (Page 119)
“Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle.” (Page 128)
“If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically.” (Page 102)
“Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies.” (Page 133)
“Give freely of what you find and join us.” (Page 164)
What is the solution therefore?
Well, it is certainly not to work on the unconscious. We
have neither the method nor the means to do this. That can be left to God. We
need not convince the self (the ‘Mr Hyde’) to not be a self. We need not even cut
off the dependencies: we have a programme that will bring about the cutting-off,
indirectly.
What we can do is do precisely what was written on pages 63
to 89 to:
- Accept the inevitable failure of self-reliance
- Switch from self-reliance to God-reliance
- Catalogue and admit our secrets and defects (Steps Four
through Seven)
- Make amends (Steps Eight and Nine)
- Keep the decks clear (Step Ten)
- Pray and meditate (Step Eleven)
Having done this, we devote our lives to serving God.
In short, the problem—emotional drunkenness and
depression—was already diagnosed back in 1939, its causes were laid bare, and a
complete and adequate solution was provided.
If one encounters emotional drunkenness and depression at
five, ten, twenty, thirty years, or beyond, one does not need advanced AA,
special AA, deep AA, special practitioners, or special workshops: the single,
basic programme will solve the problem.
As it says on page 65, “Nothing counted but thoroughness and
honesty.” In other words, there is no ‘depth-work’ or ‘shadow-work’. Simply
admit—everything.
If I have cleaned only the half of the dishes, thoroughness
demands I clean all of them. What is required is not advanced, special, or deep
cleaning but thorough cleaning.
To sum up: the programme, as it stands, works.