“They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity.” (The Doctor’s Opinion)
“We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them.” (Page 152)
“That was not easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.” (Page 42)
“In the article on surrender, I said: ‘One fact must be kept in mind, namely the need to distinguish between submission and surrender. In submission, an individual accepts reality consciously but not unconsciously. He accepts as a practical fact that he cannot at that moment conquer reality, but lurking in his unconscious is the feeling, ‘There’ll come a day’—which implies no real acceptance and demonstrates conclusively that the struggle is still going on. With submission, which at best is a superficial yielding, tension continues. When, on the other hand, the ability to accept reality functions on the unconscious level, there is no residual battle, and relaxation ensues with freedom from strain and conflict. In fact, it is perfectly possible to ascertain to what extent the acceptance of reality is on the unconscious level by the degree of relaxation which develops. The greater the relaxation, the greater is the inner acceptance of reality.’” (Harry M. Tiebout, Surrender Versus Compliance in Therapy)
Perhaps the most misunderstood line in the book is the one
containing the ‘restless, irritable, discontented’ phrase. It is often
understood to suggest that alcoholics—in contrast to ordinary people—are
generally unhappy with life itself, ‘maladjusted’ (to quote from another
misunderstood line), and that alcohol is somehow the answer to ‘life’s
problems’, to emotional difficulties, and so on.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Firstly, we have
characters who are not unhappy or maladjusted generally or in the moment, yet
all of these are alcoholics:
“Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.” (The Doctor’ Opinion)
“he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good.” (Page 26)
“… and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy business career. Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has—that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men.” (Page 32)
“Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. This man has a charming wife and family. He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. He had a commendable World War record. He is a good salesman. Everybody likes him. He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition.” (Page 35)
“Fred is partner in a well known accounting firm. His income is good, he has a fine home, is happily married and the father of promising children of college age. He has so attractive a personality that he makes friends with everyone. If ever there was a successful business man, it is Fred. To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. Yet, he is alcoholic. … Physically, I felt fine. Neither did I have any pressing problems or worries. My business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon.” (Page 39, Page 41)
The Book even suggests that there is nothing fundamentally
different about alcoholics in terms of personality, emotions, spiritual
condition, etc.:
“We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men.” (Page 22)”
What on earth does this ‘RID’ phrase mean?
If an individual is still in the grips of alcoholism, i.e.
they have not accepted their alcoholism, the fact that they will never square
the circle and find a way to drink happily without consequences, the fact that
the game is up, the feeling experienced is this:
“There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it.” (Page 151)
Whilst sober, in such a condition, restlessness,
irritability, and discontentment are the steady state, because one wants to
drink. If one isn’t drinking, one is restless, irritable, and discontented; one
wants to get back into the ring to try to find a way to make it work.
Now, this might be on the surface or it might be below the
surface (there is an intimation in Fred’s story that it is below the
surface—“to all appearance”; the whistling boy on page 152 is operating on two
levels), and the individual may or may not be conscious of this (Jim isn’t,
apparently). But it is there, and certainly what Silkworth notices in his
patients.
An individual might well be unhappy and maladjusted
generally, but this is a separate matter. Note that Bill W. is very troubled
emotionally on page 15 and 154 but does not drink.
The restlessness, irritability, and discontentment are
produced not by one’s general reaction to life but by the alcoholism directly.
They are the signs of untreated alcoholism, but note that, when the individual
surrenders, they have the feeling the problem is solved, and, as Tiebout notes,
they relax. All of their emotional and practical difficulties will remain, but
this restlessness, irritability, and discontentment (RID) have now been gotten
rid of, and they can get down to the nuts and bolts.
Being troubled generally and being made uneasy by the
untreated alcoholism are quite different parameters. Bill’s in an awful state
generally on page 15 yet does not drink. Bill’s in an awful state generally on
page 154 yet does not drink. The boy whistling in the dark is living a much
better life but is uneasy because of his untreated alcoholism: it’s making a
good life intolerable. Jim is in a questionable state generally, and totally
subject to active alcoholism. Fred is in an amazing state generally, and
totally subject to active alcoholism. We’ve got two things going on here: the
general practical, mental, and emotional condition of the individual, and the
slow poison of alcoholism trying to get me back into drinking.
If anyone is unconvinced but has ever tried to stop smoking,
there’s the distinction right there.
As a smoker, I had a good life and had a good emotional and
even spiritual life. But I was physically addicted to nicotine. I tried to stop
smoking and was immediately hit by restlessness, irritability, and
discontentment to such an intolerable degree I felt capable of violence against
others or myself. Then I had a cigarette, and I was alright. The restlessness,
irritability, and discontentment were absolutely not a function of an immature
or dysfunctional response to life: they were the condition generated by the
parasitic monster of addiction doing whatever it could biochemically to force
me to have a cigarette. It took six weeks to get back to normal when I stopped
smoking. And my general condition was exactly the same as it was before I
stopped smoking, except now I was no longer addicted, no longer subject to
addiction’s brain-bending wiles, and no longer smoking.
And thus with alcohol. It was then that I understood why I was so powerless over the first drink.